Letters To My Future Husband

Maybe My Last Letter

Dear future husband,
I am done thinking about you.
And I honestly don't know if I want to keep writing you letters.

I know God has planned everything, so I am going to meet you anyway, somewhere, someday.
But right now, I want to think about everything except you.

I mean I want to live my life as a single at 100%.
No time for dreaming of you.
I want to be completely free so that I can fully know what God wants me to do about my studies, my spiritual life, and about everything else.

I want to live a life where my happiness doesn't depend on someone, doesn't depend on you.
I want to be a strong independent woman, I want to build my future with God and forget about your existence. I want to forget love and stuff, and focus on the friends that I've got, on the people in my family.

I want to spend more time with my brother, since I will study, I am not gonna see him a lot anymore.
I want to cherish every minute that I spend with my mom, since she's litteraly my best friend.

I want to develop my friendship with my friends. Since I don't want to risk to lose them when I will be obsessed by you XD.

I want to not have to explain everything to someone.
Actually, I just don't want boyfriend right now or something that looks like it.

And you look like it, in my mind.

At this point, I am going to tell you the truth.
I want to focus on me, and not dreaming about you, to focus on my relationship with God not my future relationship with you. I am not ready to be with you, and God knows it. That's why I am still here, not with you.

Today I realized I need to change a lot before being in a relationship with you. I need to control my anger, I need to be more happy so that I don't consider you as my only source of happiness. I need to grow up spiritually so that my faith will always be strong and maybe I can stand firm whenever you may drag me down.
I need to be more patient so that I can wait for you, and not risk to choose to be with the wrong person.

I need to take care of myself, of my personality, of my body. So that you will have a good wife and be proud of me.

You get it, I need to change many things.

So yes, this is a kind of a letter to say goodbye.

I will be back when I think I need to talk to you again. For now, dear future husband, I just want to forget you.

Though I will still pray for you, for us. So that we don't miss out the plans of God for us.

Me 🐈