Kitty 🐺

you're fucking perfect, kitty.

today wasn't a good day for me. i was having an episode and i spent most of the day whispering self-deprecating negativities about myself.

so, after not doing anything all day, i laid on the couch, just mindlessly staring at the ceiling. i felt so disconnected from everything.

fire walked out of her room with her guitar in one hand, held carefully by the neck.

"bad day?" she asks quietly, sitting on the floor by my head.

i turn to follow her movements, eyeing her. what was she up to?

she sat criss-cross, facing me with her guitar in her lap, poised as if she was going to play it.

she started to gently pluck at the strings, looking down at her fingers as they played.

"made a wrong turn, once or twice. dug my way out, blood and fire. bad decisions, that's alright. welcome to my silly life!" she hummed, catching me by surprise.

"mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, miss "no way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down. mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated. look, i'm still around." my heart started to beat faster, this was the song she sang to me when i was like this.

"pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than fuckin' perfect. lretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me!" she was quiet, wanting to keep the song mellow and calm.

"you're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong. change the voices in your head, make them like you instead! so complicated, look how big, you'll make it, filled with so much hatred, such a tired game. it's enough! i've done all I can think of! chased down all my demons, i've seen you do the same."

"oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fuckin' perfect! pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me!"

"the whole world's scared, so i swallow the fear. the only thing i should be drinking is an ice cold beer. so cool and limed and we try, try, try, but we try too hard and its a waste of my time. done looking for the critics 'cause there everywhere," fire took a quick breath, "they don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair, exchange ourselves and we do it all the time. why do we do that, why do i do that? why do I do that?"

"oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel like you're less than fuckin' perfect! pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me! you're perfect, you're perfect!"

she finished on a quiet, low note, "pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect to me."

i locked my jaw as a tear slipped down my cheek, dropping onto the carpet.

"you're fucking perfect, kitty. don't ever let me hear you say otherwise, okay?" fire whispers.

i can see her set her guitar down and get into her knees, scooting over to me. she wraps her arms around me, pinning my arms to my side.

"i'm here for you and i'm here to do whatever it takes to help you feel okay again."