The Fire Ignites

1| Eyes On You

I remember asking my mom and dad why I don't have a little sister or brother like other families in our subdivision. Usually, whenever we go out to attend a subdivision meeting sa Corden Clubhouse, palagi kong nakikita na may dalawa or tatlo silang kids to play with each other. I remember being jealous.

And angry.

"But why mom? I want a baby brother!" umiiyak kong sigaw sa harap ni mom and dad. They looked at each other and then mom sighed. Lumuhod sia para matapatan ang aking tangkad at saka ako niyakap.

"No! No! I want baby brother!" Nagpupumiglas ako sa kanyang yakap, but she held me tightly and ssh-ed me.

"Baby, it's not written in our book. It's not that easy." Bulong ni mommy sabay haplos sa aking buhok.

"But mommy, I-I'm sad. I don't have anyone to play with."

That night, I slept with a heavy heart and mommy tucked me in to sleep. She held my hand and I remember waking up alone. They probably went to work already. Lola is probably still sleeping.

I went to my playroom. My playroom is pretty big and full of toys. I have my own teddy bear catcher, arcade, and even inflatables! Nagpunta ako sa side kung nasaan yung mga barbies ko. I have 13 and still counting. I just ask mommy, and she gives it to me.

Kinuha ko si Ken and a beach blonde Barbie in her bikini and began playing by myself.

"Hi Ken!"

"Hello Barbie. Are you alone?"

"Yes, I am."

At lunch, my grandmother helped me to eat. She cooked some oatmeal with chia seeds and some mangos for dessert. My favourite! Tahimik lang talaga sa bahay. Grandma likes to listen to her vinyl cds when it's too quiet. I like to watch cartoons when I'm done playing every 8am until 9am.

"Time for your meds, Lian. Halika apo." I glanced at our wall clock and saw that it's already 12:01nn. Masigla naman akong lumapit kay grandma at ibinuka ang aking bibig. Nakangiti naman niyang isinubo saakin yung vitamins ko. Its gummies that's why I like it.

"Yummy! Why can't I have more, lola?" Natawa naman si lola at umiling saakin. "Because, too much for you is bad, Lian."

"But I thought these gummies are good for our health?" curious kong tanong. This time, pabiro niang piningot ang aking ilong, "Yes baby. But eating more than one in a day will make you numb."

"What's numb, lola?" Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi ni grandma.

"I said dumb, Liana." Oh. I heard wrong. This time I'm the one laughing. But she remained stoic and looking at me. "Oh lola! I don't wanna be dumb!"

At the age of 9, I stopped asking mom and dad for a baby brother when I realized it's not for me. Mom and dad started to introduce me to the book of Merrimere. Dito ko natutunan na may mga bagay na para saakin at may mga bagay na hindi. Sadly, hindi para saakin ang magkaroon ng kapatid.

I can't help but look outside our window and watch the family in front. Their mom is obviously happy even with just trying to water the plants as her children play with water in their yard. Napatingin ako sa lalaking kasing edad ko, walking up to his kuya to ask him for help regarding his water gun.

"Lola, why can't I play with them?" Binalingan ko si lola, at nakita siang nagagantsilyo sa sala. I always wondered. Mom keeps telling me that people that are not written in my book are all bad. But I'm smarter than what's mom is taking me for. I can't accept her reasoning.

"Because, apo.. Simply because it's not written in your book. Not following the book will lead to serious consequences. Kapag hindi mo sinunod yung libro, all that follows, all of it will change." I really like lola. She doesn't treat me like a child. She explains things that I can't understand in an adult manner. Hindi ako binebaby talk like my mom and dad.