TORN [A Dean Winchester Fanfiction]

Dreaming

The shadows on the floor loom in front of my small feet as I walk along the long slats of wood. A breeze, a warm one. Where is it coming from? The house is cold...

I turn the corner, my hand on the white wall to my left, dragging around the corner with me. The front door is wide open, the breeze is coming from there. 

I look around the kitchen, the living room, nothing to see until I see him. There is a pool around him, black in the dim lighting coming from the moon. My steps slow, but they continue. My eyes scan him, his face, his eyes are open, glassy...

I stop and fall to my knees when my eyes land on the hole in his chest. The liquid on the floor suddenly registers in my young mind to be blood.

There is screaming now, I think it might be coming from me. My mother walks into the kitchen and turns on the light, she's the one yelling, my face is just wet. Tears? 

I jump awake, the I.V. in my arm aches as I look around, my face is wet again. I can feel the puffiness of my eyes as I pant and yank off the oxygen tube around my face, forcing air into my nostrils. Am I hyperventilating? Jennie is sleeping in a chair next to me, and a warm hand gently grabs mine. I can feel myself calming down as my eyes settle on Dean's face. I can feel the tears still pouring down my flushed cheeks. 

"You're okay, its fine, you're safe," he says softly as he tries to hug me. 

I push him away slightly, or try to as I start sobbing slightly, "y-y-you don't know me..." I manage to bubble out as I try to push him away, failing again and clutching at his shirt, pulling him close and inhaling as my face becomes buried in his chest. 

"Hey, its okay, ssshhhh" he says softly and the silent sobs start to slow, becoming dull. 

I start to breath normally, relaxing against his chest. "I'm sorry, nightmare..."

"About the hunt?" He asks softly.

"No." I say as I breath him in. 

"Well I'm here if you want someone to listen to you..." 

"I don't think dumping my baggage on you is something I want to do at this point in time." I say this in a hushed tone, the image of my father still lingering behind my eyelids, making me not ever want to close them again. 

Jennie snored quietly as he just stood there and held me, no questions asked. I got to a point where I was calm, but I wasn't ready to have his arms leave my skin cold. I took a sharp, long inhale and let it escape slowly before I pulled away slightly, looking up at his beautiful face. 

His eyes were staring into mine and I found my lips moving, I could hear my voice escaping, telling him the dream I had been having when I woke. Or should I say memory...

He let me speak, gently brushing my hair away from face as I told him the bit I woke up at. "I just keep seeing him lying there..."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead gently. "I'm so sorry that you had to see that... I know there is no way to take away that pain, but if there was, I would do it in a heartbeat." 

I just nodded slightly, my voice suddenly gone. I had nothing else to say. I would normally protest the apology, I don't like pity. But it was like it lifted some weight when he said it to me. Maybe it was just the fact that I was barely awake before I told him? Or maybe I am just weak and scared somewhere under the steel exterior. Either way, he now knew something that my sister did not. 

I felt like my mouth had just betrayed me. It spoke without my permission and now he knows something he cannot un-know... 

My chest tightened and my breathing picked up a little. FUCK! 

I cannot have a panic attack right now...

breathe deeply...

 I gained my composure fairly quickly and then sighed softly. 

"Oh..." Jennie says as she stretches and yawns. "you're finally awake!" She hops up and hugs me slightly. Saved by the bell...or in this case I guess I was saved by the Jennie. 

"Good morning baby sister..." I smiled and gently laid my hands on her back. "Its good to see you too..."