서울 (Seoul)

v. "time stands still"

the phone kept on ringing and ringing and ringing to the point where namjoon turned off the phone. it's been off for five days. five days since he announced that he was leaving the band. it was as if time stopped. doing everything every day to doing nothing was a culture shock.

he supposed that the last few days were fine. he didn't get up unless it was to pay for the room the next day. (there was one day when he was almost caught by yoongi who walked into the hotel, saying that he was looking for a kim namjoon. the receptionist acted like he didn't know who yoongi was talking about while looking at namjoon. when it looked like the receptionist was about to call the police, namjoon shook his head. yoongi left the lobby, talking to, what he can assume to be, the other guys.) his ankle was barely used so he supposes it was healing, even though it wouldn't matter in a few hours. his body was covered with scars as his shirt was bloodied up with his lack of care.

he turned on his phone and deleted the call logs without looking at the recently missed. he also did the same to the voicemails, not wanting to be persuaded out of this idea. turning off both his cellular data and his wifi, he started working on the messages.

-

jin-hyung,

i want to thank you for taking care of us. i know it was hard with you being the oldest and me being the leader, but you are an inspiration for me. you were everything i wanted to be. you were confident and you found the positive in everything. you also stood up for everything you stand for and i wish that i had that confidence.

i don't want you to feel like you were a bad hyung for not noticing this. this is my fault. my doing. you were just doing the best in the situation life handed you. i hope after i am gone, life can deal you a better hand. you deserve it.

i know this is selfish of you, but please help everyone as well (make sure to take time for yourself).

i don't want anyone to suffer.

-

he went to check out.

handing the keys to the receptionist, the receptionist raised his eyebrows.

"you know there is no refund, right?"

namjoon nodded his head.

"yeah, i know."

-

yoongi-hyung,

thank you for being my friends all these years. thank you for being there when we were at the very bottom to prior, when we were at the very top.

i'm sorry that i was never able to talk to you. i supposed i was afraid that i would trigger something in you and right now, you are so long without a major depressive episode. i would never forgive myself if i set you back. that is not what friends are for.

i know this will hit you hard but you'll forget me. or compose a badass song about me.

please remember to take care of yourself.

don't shut everyone else out.

-

he put his earbuds in and started a playlist.

he left his crutches against the trash can.

hopefully, someone else has a use for them.

he started walking.

-

hoseok-ah

thank you.

you cheered me up so many times without knowing it. your positive personality got me through the positive days. you meant a lot to me. you mean a lot to the band members.