Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

Chapter Twenty - Half of my Heart

Breathe, Blake.

Don't freak out on him, he did nothing wrong.

He's not your Boyfriend.

He has not promised you anything.

You're not exclusive.

He has a right to talk to and see other girls.

Right?

The ride home had been silent thus far, ever since Jaxon's last words to Shauna outside of City Tap House. I sat with my hands sitting in my lap, body tilted towards the window, giving Jaxon every visual cue that I was upset. But I couldn't find the right words to say to him quite yet. So I just said nothing. Problem solved.

Eventually, Jaxon reaches for the knob controlling the radio and turns it down, looking over at me while stopped at a red light.

"Look, I'm really sorry about Shauna."

I raise a brow, "You don't have to apologize because someone else was rude to me you know." I was being ridiculous. I knew that.

Jaxon takes a deep breath, using his right hand to rub his forehead for a moment, "But I didn't discourage her comments when I know I should have. And about tomorrow-"

"Look Jaxon," I say, cutting right to the point, "It's really none of my business what you do, alright? It's not like you're my boyfriend or something, go to whoever's house you want. It's no skin off my back," I swallow hard, my hands now noticeably shaking. I stuff them back into my lap.

To think I was keeping up with my honesty streak so well until tonight.

"Is that really how you feel?" he asks, visibly hurt by my words.

I shift my gaze towards the window, mumbling out a, "Yes."

I was a complete coward. At least I was self-aware.

Old habits die hard I suppose.

The rest of the car ride home is filled with by semi-awkward silence, both of us unsure of what to say. I could tell that something was up with him but I didn't know what. The fact that he was being secretive about it was what I found most offensive about it all. He was hiding something, that much I knew.

When we pull into the parking spot outside of our apartment I bolt up the walkway and get to our apartment door in record timing, not even stopping to hold the front door open. I was determined to be alone at this point, me and Jaxon's perfect date night crumbling to the ground in record timing.

"Blake!" I hear from behind me, causing me to increase my pace towards my bedroom even more so. I couldn't do this with him right now.

Only one more step until I can turn my door handle and be in the comfort of my own bedroom, I think to myself. That is until I feel a hand on my shoulder, "Blake, will you just talk to me?"

Groaning, I slowly turn around and meet Jaxon's desperate eyes and sigh at the sight of them, "I don't have anything else to say." I tell him, the words coming out softer than I anticipated they'd be. His eyes were dangerous territory and must be avoided at all costs to get through this conversation.

Jaxon seems to debate over something in his head for a moment before taking a step closer to me, backing me up against my bedroom door. Thoughts of earlier outside of the restaurant flood my mind. This felt all too familiar.

"I really like you, Blake. Like really really like you, you're telling me you can't see that?"

I open my mouth to try and take a calming breath but instead I blow up, "Not when Shauna's constantly coming around and reminding me that she has some kind of hold over you every other week! Like seriously, what's up with that? I don't get it!"