Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

Chapter Twenty-Nine - Never on the Day You Leave

"Around May I decided to join that stupid Northeastern App; the student messenger one?" I relay to Makenzie and Layla, their eyes visibly lighting up with interest at my words.

"Ohhh wait, hold on," Layla says in understanding, "The one that connects you with upperclassmen before school starts so you can get to know someone before move-in day?" She asks.

Makenzie raises an eyebrow at her girlfriend as if to ask, "And how would you know that?" but before she can get a word in, Layla continues, "I remember hearing about it at orientation."

Makenzie gives a hmph in approval as they both turn back towards me. I take that as my cue to continue.

"Well, a few days after I joined I got matched with this guy named Ace. He was also an incoming freshman which shows just how well the app works," Layla snorts, "but we hit it off immediately.

You guys know how it was for me growing up, it was always so difficult to make friends so I guess I kinda clung to Ace hoping that one day we would get to meet and we could be friends at school. But I was scared-" I swallow hard, the words lodging in my throat, "I was scared that once I got here things would change between us if we actually met each other so I guess I kinda held him at a distance."

I bite down on the corner of my lip at an attempt to reel my heightening emotions back in. I wouldn't cry in front of them again, I just wouldn't.

It's not until a slight metallic taste brushes my tongue that I realize that I'm biting a bit too hard, enough so that I've drawn blood. Taking a sip of my water from the table to rinse my now bruised lip, I continue, "He was the type of person that I could talk to for hours without ever getting tired of. He always knew what to say when I was down even though he had no clue what my home life was actually like. He had the best sense of humor that never failed to put a smile on my face, even after the hardest days. Sometimes in the mornings, I'd wake up with sore stomach muscles from having to suppress my laughter while I laid awake in my bunk until 3 am talking to him," I find myself smiling at the memories even though they were completely tarnished as of yesterday.

"Hold on, I'm so not following," Makenzie interjects, "I thought we were talking about Jaxon?" She trails off, her eyes wandering from Layla to me in question.

Layla places a gentle hand on her girlfriend's shoulder, "That's just it Kenz," Her eyes meet mine from across the table, sympathy now lacing her dark brown eyes even more so then last night, "I think we are talking about Jaxon. Bee?"

The nickname ricochets through me, another pang of sadness suddenly hitting me straight in the chest at the innocent reminder of what being Ace and Bee once held.

"Yeah," I nod my head, "We are."

I hear a shallow intake of breath from the other side of the table as Makenzie realizes her mistake, "Blake, I-" She starts but I hold out my hand as if to tell her to save the impending apology.

I just continue speaking, "Around a month ago he messaged me through the app saying he needed space and that we had to stop talking. I would try and message him after that and I got nothing back. He was, as far as I was concerned, gone from my life completely and I had no say in the matter at all. It hurt me more than I ever anticipated, and yes at this point in the semester I already had both of you in my life and I also had..." I trail off not wanting to say his name.

"It was rough for a while, to say the least. I was in mourning over this person who I'd never truly known but felt like I had known all my life. And I'm used to people using me for their benefit, I'm used to people leaving me but I thought-" I choke on the word, "I foolishly thought this was different.