𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓉 - a #benjey story

Chapter XI

{ third person POV }
( HARDCORE TRIGGER WARNING )

Jorge was somehow getting home with an Uber, gladly he still had a little credit on his uber app.

He speed-walked half the way anyways so he only had to pay 5 euros.

"Good evening, sir", the Uber driver said, as Jorge opened the door to get in the car.

Jorge responded with a quick 'hello'.

"Is everything okay?", the driver asked as soon as he noticed that Jorge cried.

Again, Jorge answered shortly: "It is, thanks".

As soon as they could get further into the conversation they already reached Jorge's house.

"Thank you, have a good evening", the crying boy said as he rushed out of the car instantly.

He tried his best not to face his mom when he walked through the doorstep, so she wouldn't ask stupid question and Jorge wouldn't have to think of even more stupid answers.
On his tiptoes, he sneaked into his room.
It was almost midnight so his mom wasn't awake anyways he noticed.
He went into his bathroom where he picked up the nearest razor he could find and somehow managed to get a blade out of it.

{ POV Jorge }

Should I really do this...
„Benji is worth it", I said as I placed the razorblade onto my skin.
I didn't think about it, I just took a deep breath and as I exhaled I cut along my wrist.
It felt so good.
All the blood running down my hand.
I felt how my body was getting weak, my breathing slowed down and I let myself sink to the floor.
I dipped my other hand's finger into the blood and wrote „I love you" on the tiles.
I smiled and cried at the same time.
„I can't do this without you. So I guess we will see each other in hell."

I wanted to die so badly, but somehow I just felt weak, not dead.
It scared me.
So I took the razor blade again and placed a cut above the first one.
And another one over the second one.
I couldn't stop.
Every time I slid the blade through my skin, I thought of a memory I made with Benji and there were a lot - so I continued till there was no more space on my left arm.
I continued on my right arm, sooner or later I couldn't take the pain anymore and I stopped.
I broke down in tears again, looking back to what I've done.
I thought I deserved this, thinking of all the blood and the cuts.

This is not the first time I've been hurt, it happened every day back then, but it stopped when I met Benji. He made me more confident and I was surrounded by at least one person who loved me and actually cared.

I tried to stand up, pulling myself up on the sink.

I turned the water on and tried to rinse out the bloodstains on my shirt.

Blood still spluttered out of every cut, I dabbed it off with a wet towel and made my way to my bed.

Not to be dramatic, this wasn't the first time I cried myself to sleep, but this time it was awful. It was definitely not possible for me to deal with all the pain by myself. 

I promised myself that I'm going to go to Benji's house tomorrow and tell him what actually happened. I can't just leave this unspoken. 

That night I woke up literally a thousand times. My head, my arms, my whole body hurt. It was like I cried out all of my resources my body needed to function.

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Sorry that this is short. I guess I triggered myself writing this chapter.