𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓌𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝓉 - a #benjey story

Chapter XII

( slight trigger warning )

{ POV Benji }

I was driving down the roads, highways and alleys.

Actually, I didn't care what I did, as long as it distracted me from living this life. 

I've had a few heartbreaks before and got cheated on at least 3 times and I was over it within a few days because I mostly didn't care about the people anyway, but this time it was just a kiss and I couldn't take it, because it was Jorge.

It was Jorge who kissed this fuckboy.  And if that not enough, he ignored me.

He acted like he didn't even know who he was talking to.

I felt invisible. Not even my boyfriend...

...well ex-boyfriend...

noticed when I talked to him.

At this point, I really couldn't care less.

I looked for the nearest spot where I could park my car.

What was Jorge doing?

I don't care.

Does he even care?

I don't.

Will he really do something stupid?

Surely not. He's just a try-hard who fails at everything. 

I found a parking lot which was near a fountain.

I got out of the car and sat next to it, as soon as I set my mind free, my thoughts overwhelmed me.

Why did he do that? I am sure it was because of me. I must have been a bad boyfriend. 

Was he not satisfied with me? 

I felt bad.

No.

I hated him. I hated Jorge. 

Seeing him with that fucking asshole at the counter broke my heart in a million pieces. 

He isn't my Jorge anymore, I think that was the thing that bothered me the most. I can't give something away when I know it's mine. 

Now he's just Jorge. 

Jorge Juan Garay.

"Benjamin?"

I turned around. 

Nobody was there. I felt how I was surrounded by guilt. 

I should never have been such a failure. I should care about Jorge, even if he was a blithering idiot.

No, he doesn't deserve help.

I can't let him down like that.

But he let me down.

He's probably hurting himself.

Yah, he should, for what he had done.

I was going crazy. Definitely. There were voices around my head. No one physically talked to me, though. My thoughts were fighting against each other, literally.

"Calm down, Benji, this is not real", I said to myself, putting my hands behind my head.

I remembered that I had a few of these pills at home, which completely shut your body down. 

I felt like living in a dream. 

I needed to get home, right now. I headed over to my car and somehow managed to get home safely. I hate that I can't lose control for once. I wish I impulsively could do something like screaming or hit anything against the wall. 

As quiet as possible I unlocked the door and went up the stairs to my room, which was at the end of the hallway. 

I got undressed and looked for the pills I thought of before. 

"Where the fuck did I put them?", I mumbled. 

As I opened my drawer I found the white package which had "Xanax" written on it.

"Exactly"

I threw two pills in my mouth and took a few sips out of the water bottle standing next to my bed.

After a few minuted I got really dizzy. Standing was very hard. I slammed against my closet.

"Ouch"

Jorge's clothes were laying on the floor since he got changed before we went to the party.

And again my emotions went crazy, but before they could kick in, I collapsed onto my bed.

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This chapter hits too close to home. :(

Btw, I am sick rn, so don't h8 me for the lack of updates. :'(