Being Jade Thirlwall

09

@sam_craske: thanks a lot @Harry_Styles

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My vision never failed me during the whole situation. I could see the flashing blue lights outside my window, I could see the medics come in and pull the knife out, taking me away on a gurney, and I could also see them struggling to stop the bleeding. Although I could see, I couldn't hear them. All of their words meshed into one big hum. I couldn't make out the individual words.

My eyes started feeling droopy and I felt as if my chest was going to cave in. The hole in my chest ripped open for what I believe is the last time, burning the edges where it mended for a short time. I thought I was happy finally ending it, but I've been thinking in this rocking ambulance that maybe it isn't the best thing in the whole world. "We're losing her!" I hear someone shout as the vehicle come to a halt.

Two painful electrical currents pierced through my chest, my body flying upward. "Clear!" the far away voice spoke. They hit me again, blood rising in my throat. I coughed and coughed, my eyes full of tears. If it is my time, let me go. Just like Harry did...

"Get her out, now!"

I was getting jerked out by the strong male nurses while the females kept the IV they had poked me with upright. I could feel the wheels turning over the pavement, the rocky feeling causing my stomach to churn in pain. "Don't," I whispered to whomever, reaching to stop a nurse in the act. She only shook her head and continued with the others.

"Oh my God, Jade!" a female shrieks. It was Jesy, her eyes red from tears. Zayn and Perrie were there also with Louis by their side. Sam, Leigh, and Jordan were in the waiting room, and they didn't even notice. The clicking of Jesy's heels rushing after me made the hole in my chest widen. I was hurting her. I couldn't hurt her. I reached out, hoping she would catch up and be able to hold my hand. But my gurney slammed into sliding doors and we left Jesy behind them.

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I didn't remember much. But I woke up to a sharp pain in my stomach and a massive headache. "Jade, what were you thinking?" Perrie asked calmly, her eyes never glancing up to meet mine. Her hand was shaking, Zayn's hand turning white from her tight hold. I looked around the room, spotting only those two, Jesy, and Louis. His face was bright red, his eyes pink and tired. "I-I'm sorry," I whimpered, flinching at the pain.

"Why question her when she just wakes up?" Louis interrogated the blonde, his eyes narrowed in a sharp glare. "Why do you care?" she snapped, tightening her grip. Zayn rubbed her arm soothingly, his face strained. "I care about her, unlike you do."

"Guys," Jesy interrupted, her hand catching mine. "You're both stressing her out. Why don't we just talk about something else. Like why you wanted to come, Lou." He moved towards the other side of my bed, climbing in beside me. He had gotten a lot more cautious with his movements since the last time I've seen him. Which was a year ago. "L-Lou," I whispered, my chest heaving for more air.

"Jade, I wanted to come because I was scared. I know that we don't talk often and that two of your band mates absolutely hate me, but I still care about you. And after Harry said those ...things about you in that interview, it made me realize how dumb we're all acting. Why are we fighting in the first place?"

"You don't hate me?" I huffed, a smile forming on my face. He only shook his head, rubbing at his swollen eyes. "I still love you like a sister." Jesy got up, her hand slipping from mine. The door had been knocked upon, which neither Louis and I noticed. And the guest was the worst of all...

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Short update!