The Many Musings of Albus Potter

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xv. stags

Albus finds that he has no choice but to spend his Christmas holidays at Hogwarts this year. His pre-NEWT assessments have turned out to be mediocre at best, but not enough to alarm the teachers, or rouse angry owls from his parents. Nevertheless, Harry and Ginny were less than pleased to have to receive the news of his decision from a particularly mischievous owl (Splodge, as it turns out, has a penchant for causing trouble - not delivering mail).

He wants to believe he's doing this because he knows his abilities are growing more unstable. Which, to be fair, they are. Albus knows how much his dad would worry - how he'd put everything else in his life on an abrupt pause until this was sorted out. That's the trouble with Harry Potter. He seems to think it might just help if he throws himself right into the middle of it all, as though the pieces will all fall right into place, just when everything is on the cusp of disaster...

Maybe it worked for Harry, all those years ago, when he defeated Voldemort.

But Albus isn't like that. He doesn't just wing it. He likes to plan, he always has. It's what has made things work for him. It's what has kept him sane - the routine, the step-by-step rulebook in his mind.

Nothing about these dark abilities comes from him - at least that's what keeps him from completely loathing himself. The fire, the heat, these troublesome emotions that seem to usurp any rationale in him.

But it isn't just that. It's Scorpius. That message from him - surely, surely it's Scorpius telling him to stay? That they'll find a way to meet again, somehow, somewhere. Maybe in the Forbidden Forest? No, that's far too obvious. Besides, the Ministry's got the entire place infested with those new pseudo-Aurors. The Soter wizards. Scorpius knows about them, Albus is sure of it. He wouldn't be so naive as to walk right into their trap.

Rose thinks Albus is being stupid.

"Of course he doesn't want you to meet him." Her lips are pursed almost apologetically at the sight of Albus' expression. "I don't mean like that," she corrects herself. "It's just...he'd never intentionally throw you into the snakepit, you know? Scorp is only letting you know he's safe, is all. He wouldn't want you hanging around Hogwarts on Christmas Eve waiting for him to show up with flowers and chocolates."

Albus grimaces. "I'm not even into flowers and chocolates. It's...cheesy."

Rose scoffs. "Is that why I caught you crying over that empty box of Maltesers Scorpius gave you for Valentine's Day last year?"

"Maltesers are an exception," Albus retorts hotly, feeling his ears grow warm at her accusation. Which isn't exactly unfounded. He's been weepy for months, and Rose has, quite frankly, seen far too much of it.

"Al," Rose says, her voice considerably more soft now, "I think you should come home. Spend some time with Lily. And the new kittens. Dad's having a creepy naming ceremony for all of them. Says it strengthens magical bonds between wizards and their pets."

"Scorpius told him that." Albus stares down at his shoes. "He was so...involved. With all of us. It's - it's hard to just switch off, because he's always there." He looks back up at her, hating how his voice cracks, hating that the tears are welling up again. Merlin, Rose must have his crying patterns memorised down to the last solitary dribble of snot on his nose. "I can't escape him, even at home now. There's just no point, Rose. There just isn't. So I might as well stay."

For a moment, Albus thinks Rose might say something wise. Something completely logical, but not completely devoid of sympathy, that makes perfect sense. Something that'll make him feel vulnerable and slightly foolish for having his heart out on his sleeve, for being so susceptible to sentimentality (a thing he'd tactically avoided for so long, before he fell in love with Scorpius).