July 30, 2019
I have never given myself to the fear of reality. Never have i ever been afraid of life, of the cruelty it's carrying inside. Not once has it crossed my mind. It's like all of the awful things happening in this planet just slipped past me like they never happened. Maybe i've been too focused on myself. Been too caught up on all the luck life was placing in my widely opened hands. Nothing bad ever happened to me. I never had anything to complain about. I had all of the amazing friends a lonely kid could ever ask for, all the money a poor man could beg for, and all the fame a person could ever be in luck of. I had a man I called the happiness of my shining life, that never dared to hurt me in anyway possible. I genuinely, was happy. So why would I ever allow life's negativity to push me off of the calm, high cloud I was peacefully resting and living my flawless life on? Right. I wouldn't. No one would. But unfortunately, not every decision in our lives is always made by us. Sometimes it decides to take control, and you're completely out of charge.
I don't exactly remember how this happened. It was so, so sudden. I came back home from our tour, feeling so utterly exhausted and tired. But who wouldn't? After traveling through the whole country non stop, sleeping at a different place every night and never having a single day off. It's normal to be exhausted.
Just when the exhaustion doesn't seem to find an end, people obviously start to worry. And so did I.
It was so sudden, it almost sounds silly. I collapsed one morning, and i barely remember what caused me to. All i remember is waking up the next morning, three to four women in white and blue clothes hovering over me, staring down at me like i'm an undetected creature under experimental watch. It was so ridiculous, how I didn't understand a thing.
I don't know why i'm even wasting my time on writing this, but anyways.
Ever since that day i've had regular check ups at the hospital. My symptoms were getting worse. I was getting weaker with each day, my skin getting paler and paler, making me look half dead. My hands were constantly cold, as if anything i touched could turn into a clump of ice. I was feeling so strange and disgusting.
Three months later i've been diagnosed with anemia.
I've been given medication, that i didn't take regularly.
Why, you may ask.
I was trying, so unbelievably hard, to deny the fact that something wasn't going well. I was trying to deny the fact that i'm sick, no longer strong, no longer perfect. I didn't want to take the medication. Look like a loser, like a gimp.
Six months later i was given the information i wouldn't be making it.
Another month later i was informed this might be my last ten days.
And now, i've been forced to stare into realities dark, black eyes. I couldn't shut my own anymore. My eyes were being held open by my fears and my regrets, forcing me to suck up the stinging gaze of life's harshness.
Everyday could be my last.
And if today should be that day,
i want it to end with him.
Noen.
My precious love.
You may not know what's going on, but i will make sure to leave you while holding your hand tightly and securely in mine.
- Chase Hudson,
YOU ARE READING
spring day. | choen
Romance"but even when i'm gone, promise me to keep this love alive." in which chase only has ten days left to live but noen doesn't know.
