spring day. | choen

goodbye, my love. [ending]

trigger warning!!! : character death

Dear diary.
Time has passed in a heart beat. I somewhat didn't expect those ten days to be that short. Maybe they just didn't go the way i expected them to. When i first found out about all this, I was shocked, afraid. Every day of my life was another anxiety attack. But now, I feel okay. I'm no longer scared of leaving. Death will come and get me, wether I want to, or wether i do not.

Chase had to sigh, letting the pen fall out of his weak, shaky hands. He couldn't believe that he was wasting the last hours of his life on a stupid letter in a diary that has no worth as soon as he is six feet under. But there was nothing else he could do at the moment. The love of his life was gone. Noen was gone. He wasn't there to hold his hand before watching him slip into heaven, more or less peacefully.

He was gone.

I wanted to stay so bad. I really did. I didn't want to leave this place and just die like that. But now? Now i don't care. What do i have to stay for, anyway? My purpose left, disgusted of the sick person i became. Pleasuring himself with another man, a man so dear to me.

Three days ago, Chase caught Noen cheating on him with Jaden. And honestly, in the moment itself it didn't really hit him. He was a fucking train wreck, he was useless. He couldn't blame Noen for wanting someone that didn't look like a corpse. That was strong and healthy. Someone he could have fun with.

But soon after that, it hit him. And it stung. It hurt the man so bad, he thought he was going to pass away right in the moment. Too weak to handle the pain of his lover betraying and leaving him in the state he was in.

Did Noen still love Chase? He did.

Did he regret absolutely everything he had done? Definitely.

But Noen had no more strength to put up with this whole situation.

And Chase understood. Because he after all was dying. What would be the point of holding that grudge in his death and making the poor boy feel guilty and horrible for the rest of his life?

Chase still loved him more than anything. He couldn't do such a thing to his precious lover.

I will fall asleep, and everything will be over. I will be okay. I can rest now. Thank you, my dear diary, for supporting me at times when i couldn't open my mouth. When i've been too ashamed to let anyone know about the vulnerability inside of me. May i now rest in peace. Goodnight.

Chase closed his diary. He placed it down onto his nightstand. The boy swallowed a pill to make the falling asleep part of this whole tragedy easier.

And so he laid down, comfortably in the bed that he once shared with his love. Eyes closed shut as his tears uncontrollably ran.

"Goodnight, Noen." Chase drifted into his sleeper, deeper with each second. "I will always, always, love you." Chase whispered, and with that his last words fell.

He fell asleep.

i am so sorry i couldn't  finish this fic :(
but i hope you guys are happy with me
rushing the ending dhskdkdh.

thank you, loves, for all the support
you've given me on this story. <3
i am truly thankful.

i may or may not start a new story,
we'll see!

much much love, sel <3