spring day. | choen

day one.

Noen knew.

Noen knew that Chase was sick. He knew that the boy he loved and adored was slowly turning into a sick mess. And little did he know how much his lover's sickness could hurt him. Holding his hand didn't feel the same anymore. Those strong and warm hands were now all weak and cold as ice. The younger could barely grip his hand anymore, that's how weak he had gotten. He had to see the boy lose balance after every step taken too much, and watch him collapse at the worst times. The way Chase lost all his appetite. His lips so pale, so dry. Kissing him felt gross. Like he was kissing a dead, forgotten piece of rotten skin.

Noen loved Chase. There was no way to explain the admiration he had felt for the younger boy. The way his tall body looked so beautiful dressed up with uncountable heavy chains. How perfect his crystal blue eyes glittered at any time of the day. The way his boyfriend had the softest brown locks he had ever touched in his whole entire life. And nothing in this world could ever stop Noen from giving all his love to Chase Hudson.

But Noen knew.

He knew that Chase was sick. That his health was getting worse with each day, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. But one thing, Noen didn't know.

"Stop doing that." The currently white haired boy mumbled as he was unsuccessfully trying to free himself from Chase's strong grip around his small waist. "I'm sorry." Chase spoke, freeing the boy from his grip and removing his lips that were just kissing up the shorter boys neck. "Don't be sorry, idiot. I'm just not in the mood for affection."

But recently, Chase noticed that Noen had never been in the mood for his affection. And that upset him to the core. The younger had been extremely sensitive since he found out about his last days of life. He didn't tell Noen, of course. How could he? He didn't want the male to be shattered, and he knew that he would definitely find a way to leave while making Noen feel as less pain as possible.

Chase put the boy off his lap, which gained him a frown. "Why?" Noen asked. "Why what?" Chase leaned back in their shared bed, his eyes fixed on the movie that was playing on their tv screen. Noen pouted. Which Chase knew meant that he wasn't happy with the action he had taken. "I thought you didn't want affection? Huh?" The raven haired male chuckled, arms wrapping around Noen's unbelievably tiny waist again as he pulled him back on top of him. "Shut up.." the older just replied, pecking his boyfriends lips.

He couldn't ignore the fact how cold they were. He pulled away too fast, making Chase notice and sigh. God, how it stung. Chase felt so gross, so disgusted by himself. His boyfriend didn't want to kiss him anymore, and it made him hate himself.

You're such a gimp, Chase Hudson.

"I'm sorry.." Noen apologized with regret filled eyes after noticing the change of Chase's mood. "It's okay, angel. I understand." He passed his boyfriend a smile. It wasn't okay, actually. Chase wasn't okay. But he had ten days left with the love of his life. He was not going to waste them on getting into arguments with him.

Chase had plans. So many plans for him and Noen on their last ten days. Half of them were impossible in the mental state Chase was in, but he would try anyways. Though he knew that it didn't matter what they would be doing. As long as he was with Noen, everything would be perfect.

"You wanna go out?" Chase asked, his hands running through Noen's bleached hair. He probably had to cut it again sometime. Chase wondered how he was even able to see, considering his hair was reaching the tip of his nose. "Do you want to go out?" The older gave the question back at the pale boy, which gained him a frown from the latter. Noen was worried about Chase's health, and probably preferred for Chase to stay home and rest. Well of course he would, he didn't know that Chase would be gone in only ten days. "I'm fine, Noen. Please don't worry too much, okay?" Chase responded a little too sternly. "I know, i know.. I'm just-" "I can't let my health take control of my whole entire life, bub." Noen knew his boyfriend was right. If only he could stop worrying. The older just nodded in response, both of then smiling sadly before eventually dressing up.

By the time they finally left the house it was already beginning to get dark outside. They didn't plan on doing much anyways. Probably just walk around and have some talks about their future, as they do at every late night walk. They were holding hands, weakly. Chase not being able to hold tightly onto Noen's, and Noen being too scared to hold tightly onto Chase's. It was so ridiculous, how holding hands became an issue.

The couple decided to take tonights wall to the beach. It wasn't too far anyway, and they couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Hand in hand they walked there, not sharing a word. Letting every bird that was singing and every car that was growling talk for them instead, have a conversation on their own. Was there anything to talk about? Probably more than enough. But both of them were too scared to address anything.

They eventually had reached the beach. Shoes in their hands as they let their feet sink into the cold, wet sand, hands still tragically holding each other. "Any updates?" Noen asked while watching the steps he took. He had to smile at the sight of the art ever step he made created underneath of him, how the sand sunk deeper into itself. "Hm?" Chase knew what he was talking about. He may be sick, but he after all isn't stupid. "Quit playing dumb. From the hospital. When will you start feeling better? What even is the matter? Are there any updates?" Chase had to cough. The younger was trying to think of a reply, but eventually ended up by saying "No." , making the latter sigh in disappointment and worry.

Chase was now staring up into the sky, while they continued their walk and ended up who knows where. "You know.." He forced his hand to tighten around Noens. "I've always wondered how a star can shine bright enough to be noticed from the people on earth. I always thought it was crazy. How people found them beautiful, when all they do is be up there and shine, in a way that no one even understands is possible. They're not even trying and people admire them. So ridiculous, i thought." The shorter had to frown. "What are you trying to tell me, Chase?"

"You're so beautiful, Noen. So effortlessly beautiful." The younger had stopped walking now, causing the other to stop as well. Weak arms wrapping around the elder males waist as he pulled him as close as possible. "You literally shine so bright, and i never understood how you managed to light up my life by just existing. And fuck, i still don't. But i love it. I love you. I admire you, Noen." Chase didn't notice how he had moved his hands up to cup Noen's cheeks as he was ranting about his endless love for his boyfriend. "forever." Chase smiled at his boyfriend.

"i love you too." Noen repeated after him.
"forever."

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i would edit this but no one reads it anyway so i most likely won't gn 🥴