Pure of Heart & Sharp of Tongue

The strangest supper in history

I strolled along the wide dirt road headed to Bag End, conscious of the watchful eyes of the hobbits that I passed. Being half dwarf did not make me very popular with the more traditional hobbits, though some of the younger ones watched me with curiosity.

Flicking my long, wavy red hair over my shoulder I raised an eyebrow at the number of ponies tied at the gate of Bag End. I had not realized that Bilbo had invited anyone else for supper and very few hobbits rode ponies.

I strode up the path and knocked, curiously eyeing the the glowing blue mark on the door. Surely Bilbo didn't put it there, he had just painted his door and was quite proud of it. The door was thrown open to reveal a very rumpled and distressed hobbit. His curly brown hair stuck out randomly instead of being neatly brushed like usual.

"Are you alright Bilbo?"

"No!" He snapped "I'm sorry" he added in a gentler tone when he saw the concern on my face "I have 12 rather unwelcome guests and I'm not at all sure what to do"

I stepped around him into the front hall looking curiously at the cloaks and hoods hung on the wall. My eyebrows shot up when I saw the pile of weapons in the corner. What kind of guests could he have?

I followed the sound of voices into the dining room only to be greeted with silence as twelve pairs of eyes stared at me. Dwarves! I had never met a dwarf; my father had died before I was born.

We all stared at each other for several moments before an older dwarf with a long white beard stood and introduced himself as Balin.

"Adara at your service" I said recovering my composure and smiling warmly at him. The others stood and introduced themselves as Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Ori, Nori, Dori, Oin, Gloin, Fili, Kili and Dwalin. Their names swum in my head, there was no way I could remember which faces they belonged to.

I nodded to Gandalf who sat in the far corner nursing a glass of red wine, before scootching into the closest chair between Balin and the fierce looking dwarf named Dwalin. I gave them both a small smile before turning my attention toward a handsome young blond dwarf as he walked down the middle of the table.

"Anyone want some ale?" He asked
"How about you Miss Adara?"

"Yes Thank you" I said politely taking the proffered tankard. I sipped at the ale feeling it warm my insides.

The dwarves chugged their ale spilling most of it down their fronts, but I preferred to savor it slowly. I turned toward Dwalin with a smile

"The ax in the front hall is yours is it not?" I asked.

"Aye" he replied gruffly.

"I can shoot a bow and I have throwing knives but I have always wanted to learn to wield an ax, can you teach me?"
He looked at me surprised

"Teach you? You're barely more than a child lassie" I bristled

"I'll have you know I'm to be 112 in Wedmath!" I said sharply and turned away ignoring him for the rest of the meal. After supper I wandered into the kitchen,  intent on helping Bilbo clear up.

"Excuse me but where should I put my plate?" Ori asked politely. I reached for it but Fili snatched it out of his hand.

"Here Ori I'll take it" he said and threw it behind him towards Kili who bounced it off of his foot sending it into the kitchen to Oin who was standing at the sink. The other dwarves began to pound rhythmically on the table with their knives.

"Please don't do that you'll blunt them!" Bilbo cried anxiously.

"Did you hear that boys!? He says we'll blunt the knives!" Bofur yelled with a grin.

"Blunt the knives bend the forks
Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

"Cut the cloth tread on the fat
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor
Splash the wine on every door!"

"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl
Pound them up with a thumping pole
When you're finished if any are whole
Send them down the hall to roll!"

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!" I cried, joining them for the last line, I had never laughed so hard. Bofur grinned at me as I regained control with some difficulty. Bilbo looked absolutely astonished at the neat pile of clean dishes on the counter. Suddenly, there was a loud knocking.