The Name Game ➸ Tyrus (COMPLETE)

8

Cyrus' POV

The past few weeks have been kind of...wonderful. TJ finally asked me out on our first official date earlier today, and I was practically screeching with excitement. Everybody in the GHC seemed to be warming up to him, and I finally felt unafraid to be myself. I looked in the mirror every morning and genuinely smiled. I was no longer some comic-relief-side-character playing in the background of my best friends' lives. I'm Cyrus Goodman, and I have my own love story that keeps getting more and more magical with each day. . .

. . .which I guess is why it's currently 3:07 a.m on a school night and I'm bawling my eyes out.

I have to tell TJ the truth about taking his journal and finding out his secrets before I even got to know him. Heck, before I would even give him the time of day! I was about to ruin the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Deep down, I know that a relationship founded off of lies just wouldn't be stable enough to withstand the test of time. I looked into my washroom mirror, eyes puffy and red, and scrubbed my face with cool water in an attempt to calm my ever-growing nerves. I sat in the empty bathtub, fully clothed, having no energy to walk back to my bedroom. As I wrapped myself in a towel for warmth, my lids grew heavy with restlessness and guilt as I desperately tried not to think about how TJ's lips might feel against my own.

My alarm was a rude awakening not but a couple of hours later, loud and blaring until I finally got out of the tub to disarm it. I couldn't find the mental nor physical strength to get properly ready for school, so I threw on one of TJ's basketball hoodies that he had given me and a pair of worn jeans. The scent of his cologne on his hoodie sent my mind into a tizzy. I could smell my mom making pancakes downstairs, but the thought of food only made me feel nauseated. I ran out the door without so much as a 'hi, bye' to my family, breathing in the cool morning air.

TJ was already at my locker by the time I arrived to school, looking amazing as usual. When he spotted me, his smile grew tenfold and his cheeks turned pink as he pointed out how "adorable" I looked in his hoodie. He was not making this easy for me. As he threw his arm around my shoulder and began to walk us towards our first class, I halted and carefully removed his arm. TJ frowned at me in confusion and tried to place his arm around me again. I was already on the verge of tears by this point, once again removing his place from my shoulder. "Underdog, is everything okay?" TJ asked, hurt lacing his tone. "TJ," I started slowly. "I did something really bad, and I'm not sure if you can ever forgive me."

TJ chuckled at this, rolling his eyes and placing both of his hands on my waist. I shivered at the intimate contact. "Cyrus, nothing you say is going to make me so upset that I don't forgive you. I promise. What happened? Did you bake blueberry macadamia muffins without me or something?" Humor laced his tone, but I could feel his hands start to tremble as I gazed at him in silence.

"I...I stole your journal," I squeaked out. TJ softened at this, looking me carefully in the eyes. "Cy, you're my boyfriend. I'm not worried about you reading my...wait-" 

I looked down in shame; he was catching on and I watched as realization flickered in his eyes. "Cyrus...w-when did you read my journal, exactly?" TJ choked out, eyes already narrowing and lips pursing as I watched his emotional walls start to go up. I opened my mouth to respond but he immediately shut me down. "That's why you knew my name, isn't it!?" TJ yelled out, ripping his hands from my waist and causing me to recoil in fear. Venom laced every word as he ripped into me, screaming at me that I only pitied him and used him. "No, TJ, that's not what it's like at ALL!" I retaliated, gasping between broken sobs. "You don't get to tell me what anything's like, Cyrus!" TJ snapped back, face reddened with anger. "I love you, Cyrus Goodman. I've always loved you. I always tried to win you over the right way; the honest way. I wanted nothing more than for you to be mine," TJ choked out, voice somewhere between a whisper and a scream. "But I guess you didn't think I was somebody worth learning."

I desperately tried to scream but no words came out; only sobs and saliva that I was trying not to choke on. I didn't get a chance to tell him about Buffy's revenge and why she made all those jokes about Santa Claus when he was around, or about how much I was dreading this very conversation while I slept in the bathtub. I grabbed at TJ's hand but he quickly yanked it away, running down the corridor and by the school's doors.

I sniffled and felt my heart physically break as he took one last look at me before slamming against the doors and leaving the school. 

"I love you, too, TJ," I whispered.