Cross My Heart And Hope To Die

Chapter 20 - Are You There?

Emily's POV

"I'm here," I wanted to yell, "I am still here." but I could see his face on me. He looked so painfully hurt, I wanted to cry, to hold him in my arms, to kiss him again. Without my permission my body turned and started towards my room, my old room I must say. What is Edelyn planning to do with me? This is such a cluster fuck... what is a sire bond anyway? I guess it is this? I don't have free will? I am a zombie following Edelyn's orders?

My body (because it is not me anymore) picked everything up in my old room, packed it all up, and as if synched with Edelyn's thoughts started walking towards a new room. A room closer to family quarters. The room was bigger than the one I had as an offering. The furniture also looked sturdier, like this furniture was part of the family heritage while the ones in the other rooms was newer, more contemporary. As I explored I heard footsteps come up the stairs. The door opened and Luke was staring at me. 

"Emily," he whispered in relief as he walked towards me. My body without my command started moving away from the embrace as foreign words escaped my lips. 

"Mr. Dragomir, may I help you?" Luke was taken aback. 

"Emily? You are really not there?"

"I am Emily. Master Edelyn told me to bury your lovely version of Emily as deep as I could so you won't be seeing her again. I would say it is time to let her go."

"I can't let you go. Don't ask me to do that. This is all my fault."

"That is not accurate. I did this to myself and in any rate it is an honor to serve your father don't you see that?."

"No. I 100% cannot see the appeal to serving my father." He sighed in defeat and turned to walk out, "I am not giving up just yet."

Luke, don't give up on me, I am here!!!

I wanted to yell but nothing came out, I was trapped in this body with no way to get out. The rest of the afternoon was a blur and it was finally time to sleep. When my body was sleeping I would have more time for myself. More time to strategize.I need a plan. I can't be this weak, I must be able to regain my consciousness on my body. I can feel my body is sleeping but my brain is going a million miles an hour. I know that strong emotion got me out of it a few hours ago when I whispered "I love you" to Luke. I was able to break it for a few seconds then. How could I recreate that? I started to think of my memories with Luke while focusing on closing my right fist, our first dance, how out of place it all felt and how right it all felt when I finally realized I loved him when I sang to him when I realized he had betrayed me. At that moment my heart constricted a little and my index finger twitched. Yes! not enough to move my whole first but it proved my theory right. Emotion could bring me back to my body, emotion could give me back control. My love for Luke would save me, how poetic. I practiced for a whole hour and was able to twitch my whole hand.. and slowly but surely drifted to sleep. I didn't know if I would ever be able to wake up again but I could not fight it anymore. 

I woke up because I could hear mumbling. I had the weirdest sensation like I was sleep walking through an earthquake. 

"Emily come on I know you are in there. " I grew more conscious and realized Luke was shaking me. "Emily?" 

"I am Emily, and you need to get used to it. Your weak mate is gone and she is not coming back." My foreign words were coming back in anger. No. I am here, I am here, I love you.  

"Lucious you have to let her go," Philip? I could hear Philip too but I would not see him. I could not control my body to move. "Its been two weeks. We have tried everything." Two WEEKS? I have been out for two weeks? NO! I could see Philip now, he and Mary walked into view and Philip reached out to place his hand on Luke's shoulder. Luke looked up at him and concern crossed through Philips face. "I can't begin to pretend to understand what you are going through but if you need to, you can turn it all off." Philip sounded somber now, more serious and even a little defeated, "I know we will loose part of you but I also know you will come back to us when you are ready."

Luke looked at me, the new me and I knew he wanted a sign, something to show him I was still there but I couldn't, what I had practiced was not there anyone, I could not move my hand. Not even a twitch, "I don't think I would ever be ready to come back from that."

"Just do it man. It's better than this. You don't deserve to feel this pain and it won't go away on its own." I could see Luke was deliberating this. He was giving up. There is nothing he could do. Nothing. And all of a sudden I saw his face as it went completely blank and I knew we were in trouble. He was gone, my Luke, and to replace him came Lucious Dragomir. Now we were both different people. 

Luke's POV

Philip is right, it is too much to handle. Can I do this? Will I ever come back from this? I don't know, there is no way I could know but what I do know is I have nothing else to try. I have read all the books, heard all the stories and all of them said the same thing, a sire bond can never be broken unless one of the two creatures die. Could I do that? Could I actually kill Edelyn? Not while I was still feeling I knew that much so Philip was right, he may not know why he is right but he is right to think that my next step is to turn off my emotions. So I did. 

The biggest thing I noticed was how everything was gone, EVERYTHING. It was suddenly very cold and I didn't care, I was hollow and I didn't care. I remember briefly the people around me but there is nothing holding me to them, they are just there and I am just here. 

"You did it? How are you feeling?" Phillip asked cautiously.

"Of course I did it. Why are you so cautious all of a sudden?" I nudged his shoulder with my hand, "you asked for this. You should be happy. I see her and nothing." nothing. I remember what I was doing a few minutes ago, I was kissing her and then shaking her and nothing. Nothing worked, I could not get Emily back and I finally did not feel pain, the world had lost its spark, its beauty but I did not care, Emily would be that past and it was time to think of what was next, or better yet, who was next.