Cross My Heart And Hope To Die

Chapter 16 - Clarity

I was sinking but at least I still was alive right? The fact that I was still thinking meant I was alive right? Well I hope it does because to be completely honest I couldn't feel shit. Yes I have turned into a potty mouth just accept it and move on. Speaking about moving on... he was there. He went to get me because he cared and now I was dead. That is great Emily. Good work.

The words of the song that was playing when I was falling into the water came back to my mind. It stunned me how true they were. He really was my clarity through all this. I loved him. I always have and to be completely honest with myself I will always love him. Our love was insane and tragic but he was my remedy and my clarity. I had to sing him that song if I make it out of this one alive.

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I couldn't hear anything. What am I supposed to do now? Ugh.. This sucks. If this is what it is like being dead then I pity those who have gone through it. It blows big time. I think I might as well just go to sleep now. Laters peeps.

It is getting kind of hot in here isn't it? Right you wouldn't know. Well it was pretty hot. And then suddenly.

Cold.

That was all I could feel what felt like hours later. All round me. It wan uncomfortably cold. Where was I? I was regaining consciousness. I could feel the cold in every part of my body except for my face and then I was under again. Wait. I'm I still drowning?

I noticed I had regained control of my face and gasped for air. "Ouch." My eyes popped open and I realized what was happening. I was in a bathtub full of ice. Lucius was standing next to the tub while Ellie was holding me up by the shoulders.

What the hell happened? How the fuck did I get here? Right then I remembered everything and all I could say was, "I'm alive?"

"Oh my lord thank god you are okay," I heard both my best friend and my prince charming say in unison.

Suddenly it all hit me. My head was pounding and my body felt dead. "Emily you look too pale for my taste." Lucius was now kneeling next to the ice-filled tub. "How are you feeling?" He asked concerned.

"Um.." I was thinking about it when Ellie stood in and responded for me. "It's not like you care. You left her to fend for herself two days ago. Remember?"

Lucius and I were both stunned at the boldness of my best friend. Lucius looked at me with a look full of guilt. "I know." I didn't expect him to say that. "I'm sorry." He continued looking into his hands ashamed.

"Why am I in a tub full of ice?" I asked full of disbelief. They both glared at me and Lucius was the one to explain.

"Emily you were drowning and when I saved you, you still didn't respond. You looked dead. Like a corpse." He finished. Yes I must have looked pretty bad. "I would know." he added so that only I would hear it.

"You looked dead. I was afraid for you. It was my idea to put you in the tub. He wanted to take you to his house or something but I convinced him this would work." Ellie finished up helping me stand up form the tub. "He almost killed me for keeping you here and almost drowning you again." She then whispered in my ear, "He likes you more than he cares to admit." She smiled and held me.

When Lucius realized what she was doing he came in to help out. Oh my god, I am so dead. Everything hurt and tonight was just bad. "I feel like shit."

They both lightened up and Ellie said, "At least you are still alive. You scared us."

"I'm sorry" I said pulling a towel from the rack and started drying my hair.

"You better be." Lucius stated. I was feeling quinsy now. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep.

"I want to go home now. Please." I said holding on to Lucius's arm for support.

Lucius held my hand and said,"You are not going anywhere but back home with me. It has been arranged. Lets go."

I was surprised, not only because of how demanding and controlling Lucius was being but because I wanted so badly to go home with him but I couldn't give up so easily. He had left me. He didn't even love me. "You don't have to pity me. Ellie can take me home. I can take care of myself you know."

He looked so sad. He knew he hurt me. I could tell he regretted it. He composed himself quickly and spoke again, this time colder and bolder "This is not me pitying you. You almost got yourself killed. I care about your well being Emily and therefore you are staying with me. No questions asked."

I don't know why, maybe it was because I was totally in love with him, or because I was frightened by his mood but I nodded and let him help me down the stairs into the main living room of the now empty party house and into the black Range Rover I had gotten used to by now. The house was completely destroyed. That was a crazy night.

"What time is it?" I asked confused and disoriented. It must have been like two when I fell into the pool. The sun was out now and it felt late in the morning.

"It's eight." Lucius responded quickly glancing at his phone.

"How long have I been out?" It was not possible I was out for a whole six hours. That was just crazy.

"You were only out for like ten minutes. I would have taken you with me as soon as you reached the eleven minute mark. I was about to just push that friend of yours out of the way and just turning you in front of her so I could make sure you would make it alive." He explained angrily. He really did care.

"Wait. I though I fell in the water around two." I added confused.

"Are you kidding me? The first time you called me was like at three and you were waisted. When you finally answered you phone after that it was like seven and then I got here as soon as I could. I looked for you for the longest time and then finally found you like fifteen minutes before that fucker of a kid bumped into us and you fainted." He was being so descriptive as if he didn't want to forget anything, or maybe he just couldn't forget. He tuned to look at me in the eyes and proceeded. "I though I lost you back there." He held my face in between his hands and caressed my cheeks. I have missed his touch so much. I, involuntarily, moved my face towards his hands and closed my eyes.

What was I doing. Snap out of it Emily. He doesn't love you! Stop being an idiot. Don't fall for it again. Be strong. My eyes snapped open and I pulled away his hands. "Please don't. Why would you care anyways." My voice was as cold and unattached as I could manage. I hoped my lie worked. It was easy to say this. He really did hurt me.

"I..." he looked confused and lost. I hated to see that look in his face. My strong Lukey looked so lost. I wanted to pull him into my arms and make him feel better again. "I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry Emily really."

"Why would you care Lucius, just tell me." I didn't have time for his mind games. I just wanted the truth. I just wanted him to say he didn't care that way I could be out of here for good as he always wanted. I had always wondered what I did for him to hate me this much. "You know when you asked me to leave there was something that I never quite understood," I started looking down at my hands. Everywhere but those blue eyes. Get the courage Emily! I looked up into his eyes and opened up my hearts out as I said, "What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much? To despise me like this?"

I'm pretty sure he could see right through me. I'm sure he could see all the way into my broken heart and my world stopped when he replied because truth is he said something I never expected him to say.

"Hate you? Despise you?" he said disbelief palpable in his voice. He ran both hands through his hair exasperated. As if looking for some inspiration, maybe even divine intervention or something. "Look at me damn it." He placed his hand under my chin making me look at him. "Emily I love you."