1995

XVIII

Kennedy.
I rolled up the blunt as I sat down on the rooftop outside of Jude's guest room. The kids were asleep and I was awake in my own thoughts. I kept looking at the picture when I was pregnant with my first son when Nathan took us to the Islands and it made me so depressed, where did things go wrong. I inhaled the smoke and held it until it burned and the taste of the smoke got so foul.

"I bet you ain't even home yet." I said talking about Nathan. He's probably out with those other women he's always leaving me for. I blamed myself. I looked and felt weak, how could I possibly cater to three children alone and it'll be a matter of time before Jude gets tired and wants us out. I twisted my wedding ring on my finger as my vision got cloudy.

Tomorrow I needed to call my father, we haven't spoken in three years. It's time for his baby girl to come home, I can't stay here anymore. I finished the blunt and headed back into the kitchen to munch on some snacks. I went into the opposite side of the house and checked on my kids.

I smiled as I went into the room where my twins were staying. I smiled when Kylie opened her eyes and reached out for me while Emelie was snoring lightly. I picked Kylie up and took her to the kitchen and sat her on the counter as I looked through the pantry for us a snack. 

"Ky, you want some apple juice?" I turned around and grabbed her sipping cup from the counter where all the baby spoons were located in the baby bag. I filled it up with the juice and placed some Nutterbutters in a ziplock while I took the entire cookie tray. I placed her on my hip and we walked to the living room together getting ready to watch The Karate Kid with Jaden Smith. Just then I heard a door open and there was my son Nathan Jr. coming over to where me and Kylie were. I smiled at him and patted the carpet so he could sit next to us.

"I'm going to make us a pallet okay?" I skipped to the closet and took out some spare blankets and made the pallet while Nathan held his sister and out snacks. "Nathan, we need to have a mother son talk." I sat Kylie in my lap and took a bite of the snack and looked at him.

"So, your father is not going to be in our lives anymore, I know you know about the abuse I was experiencing and why we had to get away. But I'm going to need you to start being responsible." He nodded his head.

Pricilla .
I pulled up to the condo that belonged to Chanel, I waited in my car to get my thoughts together as you can tell I didn't know what to say to her, I didn't know how I could make up for all those years I mistreated her. I got out of my car and made my way up to her door. I knocked softly as a y'all young man opened the door shirtless.

"Who the hell are you?" I said looking at him with disgust with my hands resting on my hips. He sized me and sucked his teeth.

"Who the hell are you, you came and knocked on this door!" I sucked my teeth at him.

"Where the fuck is my daughter? Chanel, Hazel? I need to see her now." I stood there as he was about to close the door I shoved my way in and made my way to the couch. I seen the door open and she stood in the doorway with lingerie on. "Oh you sleazy slut." I chucked at her.

He took a double take at me. "Pricilla, what the fuck are you doing here?" She grabbed her robe and tied it around her body.

"I believe I am your mother." I crossed my legs over and pointed at the yellow guy with the tattoos. "Who's this fella? Another one of your little boy toys huh?"

He sat down and made himself comfortable on the couch. I lifted myself up and slid a cigarette outta my back pocket. "We don't smoke in here." The guy said. I scooter closer blowing the smoke in his face.

I could see Chanel was getting tired of me. She began tappin impatiently. "Chanel, It's been a minute since we talked .... I don't mean to be a bad person I'm just so damaged and I'm sorry I wasn't enough." I blew out the smoke and gave her a weak smile.