After - The Society Fanfic.

34.

The door slams a little louder than Helena anticipated as Grizz glances up to see her worried face. She turns back to the door, resting her hand on it for a second. Refusing to move, head bowed, body extremely still. The noise of the door echoes across the church hall, which is now filled with everyone from the council. The chatter that fell from their lips gradually fades as they turn towards Helena, expectantly. She is the last person that needs to be seated. Grizz hesitates, wondering whether he should call to her. Instead, he joins the sea of eyes staring at her but at least his eyes are filled with concern and not judgement. With the eyes bearing into her back, she lightly pats the door, takes a deep breath and plasters a smile across her face. It doesn't meet her eyes. Grizz and Gwen glance at each other.

Helena steps her way towards the other members of the Inner Council. She barely makes a sound as she hastens down the pews. Helena keeps her head high, there is no reason for shame or embarrassment, she'd just shut the door a little bit more aggressively than she'd intended. Heads turn as she moves past. She doesn't have time for this but it needs to be done. Slipping into her seat next to Gordie, she offers an apologetic smile at Grizz. He offers a comforting one in return, trying to convey some sort of understanding even though he's unsure at what is going on. He wants her to know, he's there. It doesn't release tension.

Helena isn't sure the tension she now holds will ever leave her. As she watches the meeting unfold in front of her, her mind races through everything, all her problems. Allie may be free but that hasn't meant her life is any less chaotic and uneasy. Luke and her hadn't spoken at all last night. He could barely look at her, shame coating his entire body. She had been no better. So often, Helena had offered comfort to those around her during the difficult times and quarrels but when it came to Luke, she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to be or act anymore. He'd fooled her, then lied to her and betrayed her. She isn't even sure if he is regretful of what happened, of what he did. During his outburst, he'd accused Allie of being power-hungry. That hadn't been words of shame, guilt. They'd been defensive, trying to justify it all as if he were right and they'd all been wrong. So, she'd let him wallow last night, and this morning, unsure what she is to do, what she can do. Helena loves him, she knows this but is it enough? She hadn't wanted to think about it so had taken great relief in slipping away this morning to set up the church. She hadn't needed to come, her little group of volunteers had known what to do. Helena just couldn't be in the house any longer. The morning had gone swimmingly, she was distracted, happy to help explain Grizz's plan and laws to everyone. Her mind had been happily distracted. But then lunch came.

She'd seen Allie before anyone else had. Helena had watched as Grizz and Gwen strode their way down to her. They'd stood flanking her as if to keep her away, and out of sight, from everyone. Helena is still unsure whether it's for the benefit of the town or Allie's that she stay away but Allie can never stay away and Allie must always be heard. There is no way to stop her, whether she is in power or not, people cannot help but notice her. Helena had felt guilty as she's watched the panic and fear flit behind Allie's eyes. She knew exactly why Allie had come, why Allie would ruin her first day or peace and freedom. Helena had felt sickeningly selfish taking her time to move into Allie's line of sight because she'd known the second, she'd done that, the tension she's fought all morning to shake would come crashing back onto her shoulders. It had.

Once Allie had seen Helena, she'd whisked her into one of the back rooms. Helena spent months creating safe spaces back here where people could come to talk to her or just hang out. She'd moved a lot of the religious art and somewhat dated motivational posters and replaced them with art from her own home. It'd left parts of her house feeling bare, worse now that it felt like an empty hollow shell with what's happening with her and Luke, but nonetheless, it made these rooms feel homier. There is one room in which she had kept more of a formal vibe. This is what Helena considered her office, a place she can go without being disturbed. This was rare. Helena doesn't think she's ever been in that room for longer than ten minutes. She doesn't like to be alone at the moment anyway, she thinks too much. However, it'd provided the perfect space for her and Allie's talk.

Their conversation had been... heated. Heated but brief. Neither was annoyed at the other, though there was some slight irritation at having been taken away from her distraction. No, the majority of the heat was and still is, directed at one person. Helena huffs slightly at the thought of him. Grizz raises an eyebrow faltering in his speech.

"Eh, yes, Helena? Would you like to make a comment on what time we do the bin collection?" Gwen holds back a snicker as Grizz's perplexed eyes lock with Helena's. Heat rushes to her face, she'd completely zoned out. The sea of eyes once more all focus on her. It's a different feeling than when she's preaching to the congregation, this is much more of an unpleasant situation.

"No, sorry. Carry on." Flustered, Helena smiles as reassuringly at Grizz as possible. He doesn't seem convinced but nevertheless, slowly nods his head towards the girl standing up front who continues on. Grizz will likely speak to her later. He cares too much for his own good. Everyone's feelings come first. His big, concerned eyes flitting to her every few seconds confirms her feeling. However, this is one thing that Allie and her do not want Grizz's attention on. It'd backfired for Allie in the past, using her position of power, so they won't push or bother Grizz to do the same. He'd help in a heartbeat, demand to help even but he can't be a part of this. Allie had made that clear earlier.

She'd made a lot of things clear in a very short amount of time. Some things that didn't sit well in Helena's stomach. They didn't have a plan per se, no, that would take a little longer to come up with, but they did have an outcome, a solution. How to act out that solution is a completely different story.

Helena's going to hell anyway. Luke and her had made sure of that. She's lied about things in the past. Drank a little wine here and there, so what's another sin to add to the list?

You can't be serious, Allie, no, no we can't... there has to be another way.

Except there isn't, Helena. Not in this world. Not in this life. We have to... we have to kill him.

Is it a sin if he's the devil? Is it a sin if it's the only way to stop the monster? Is it a sin if it can be justified? Helena is unsure. If she can't let Luke justify his actions, how can she? More questions flood her mind. Would God understand? Could God understand? Is this what he'd put her here to do? Give hope and peace to her friends, protect those he cannot be protected. Would he understand her sins? Will he forgive her? Will she be able to forgive herself?

We can only do this is you agree Helena.

Fine. We have to do it; we have to protect Elle... we have to kill Campbell.