After - The Society Fanfic.

36.

Sam watches as Grizz hunches over another book. Books spread across their house. Sam doesn't think Grizz has fully realised the fact that he's moved in. Sam isn't sure they ever fully discussed it. It was mentioned at one point, possibly. He's not mad about it. Becca on the other hand...

Becca shoogles Eden gently whilst walking around the living room, glaring at Sam, jolting her head towards Grizz. Sam is pretending not to understand. Becca glares. She's not mad at Grizz, at least not as mad as she had been in the past, but at his mess. This boy could be tidy. She's seen it. They've all seen it. Yet in recent weeks, he spread books, bits of paper, coffee cups across the whole house. First, it was the kitchen, then the living room, then his bedroom, and then Becca and Eden's! Becca had found a coffee cup in the bathroom. Why did he even need that in there? She knew leading was difficult on Allie when she was in charge, but it never seemed to take over her life as much. At least not in this way. She knows Sam is worried, and if she's honest with herself so is she. Neither wants him to burn out but whenever they try and pry him away from the work, he somehow finds a way to be brought back to it. Even Gwen takes breaks. Grizz reworked the system so work was spread across everyone, so why does it seem like he's the only one?

Becca bends down slightly, picking up a toy, throwing it across the room at Sam. It hits him square in the face. Becca holds back a giggle so she could glare at him once more. Sam sighs and nods. "Come on Eden, your Dad needs to sort out a Mr Grumpy Grump." She murmurs again Eden's head as she gives her a little peck on the head. She moves out the room up to their room, shutting the door behind her.

Downstairs, Sam slides silently off his seat, slinking across the room towards Grizz. There are textbooks surrounding him on the table, he's scribbling notes, highlighting lines. Sam doesn't quite know what he's looking at. He feels a pang of guilt whilst watching him. Sam and Becca were the only two in New Ham that didn't have a job. The others, especially Grizz, have said their job is to raise Eden. Sam can't help the gnawing feeling at the pit of his stomach as he watches everyone help make this town home, give this place life, that he's going to burn himself out.

Sam's hands slip around Grizz's wait, his head resting on his shoulder. Grizz's body goes to move but Sam tightens. Grizz stills but doesn't relax. Sam squeezes a little tighter, yet Grizz still doesn't lean back, still doesn't release the tension in his should. Instead, Grizz scribbles something on a bit of paper, tapping Sam once he's done. Sam adjusts his head slightly so he can read it

Are you okay?

A snort escapes Sam's lips and this time, Grizz manages to turn around. Sam's soft chuckles subside when he sees the worry on Grizz's face. The contorted features express a mixture of fears and worry. Sam didn't quite understand why. Shaking his head, he cups the worrisome face in his hands, gentle brushing Grizz's cheek. "I am the one who should be asking you that" Grizz's brow furrows deeper and Sam shakes his head. "Gareth." These days Grizz could hide a shocked expression like it was nothing but hearing his name, his actual name come out of Sam's mouth was the last thing he had expected. "Are you okay?" Sam pushes his hair back behind his ear.

"No." The word fell out his mouth before he had a chance to stop it. The shock from hearing his name had left him defenceless. Sam didn't need to hear the word, see it written down, see it fall out of his mouth. He'd felt it in the shoulders, felt it in his body, had seen it the past week. He knew the word that was currently hanging in the air. This time he lets Grizz shift so they were staring at each other. "No. I-" He hung his head. Sam gently tilted it up. Grizz closes his eyes and takes a breath. When he opens them again, Sam is clear in his vision, sharp. The world around them is out of focus. Right now, Sam has his undivided attention and Grizz has his. "No. I don't think I am. This is a fucking lot." Sam nods whilst Grizz half laughs and half cries. Tears falling down his face. He's not in hysterics, he's not weeping but there is a release. "I don't know what I'm doing. I really don't. It may seem like I do but Sam. I-What if something happens? What is something horrible happens? Some I could have stopped but I didn't see, I didn't plan, what if-" He stops as he feels everything bubble up. He doesn't want to become a blubbering idiot.