Bella : What ifs are for Us ✔️

Chapter 4: Stalker Extraordinaire

It had been several days since the fateful incident in the parking lot. The chatter about Edward saving me had died down significantly and I felt a lot better to learn he wasn't around. Homeschooling go figure. He was being homeschooled.

Probably because he saved me. I sighed before paying more attention to the Professor. Yep. Same old same old...until now.

My eyes met hers. Those icy blue mermaid eyes with a bright pearly head of hair. I wanted to go over there and strangle her with those long strands of pearlescent blonde hair. Instead I only gave her a nod and turned to watch the teacher work his magic.

He was explaining Jonathan Swift's works and my stomach was churning with fire. The satirist. If he had written my life any other way, it would be just as it was right now.

I gripped the pencil harder until it dented slightly and the bell rang to save me from my apparent concentrated predicament to destroying everything. I didn't look. I didn't stare. I just left. Cold but truth often was.

Truth hurts baby. It hurts like an icy dagger to the heart.

Anger flared up rearing its ugly head at me while I managed to not claw or bark at anyone in school before finally relieving myself of attending the classes with the same person in every picture intruding my private stalking.

Angela Thompson.

Angela with her angelic features and pearlescent blonde hair. Angela with her thousand-watt diamond smile. Angela who was the cheer leading squad captain and had apparently staked her claim on Jake.

Tears fell while I made dinner. Yet again I was crying over a man I couldn't have. I was never like this. Stupid hormones!

I only stalked and then left. I never left a mark. I only...I only observed. My gut wrenched with pain while I made the casserole extra crispy with extra cheese. Charlie's favorite. Just the way I made it.

A failed smile finally led me to throw the kitchen towel away in my rage.

Jake. He hadn't said anything. He hadn't given me a warning. He—

It wasn't his fault. I hadn't paid much attention to him since Edward and when I did, I was blindsided with Angela's pretty pearl hair and cute button nose. My anger was leaping through bounds while I tried desperately to stop the tears from spilling out.

Jake had been dating Angela Thompson right under my nose. Apparently, he was putting it off until I got together with Edward. Unfortunate for him, I didn't. I didn't go to Edward. I didn't move on. I stayed. I stuck to him. I clung to him like glue.

And...I got what I deserved. I got what I got.

That was all. Still it didn't stop the tears. It didn't stop the pain of losing him. It didn't stop any of the other emotions I had to deal with every night going to sleep.

I cried. I went to school and pretended. I came home and cried. Made dinner. I pretended with Charlie. Then I went to my room and cried to sleep.

My routine. My monotony.

What else was there? I couldn't stalk Edward's ass! He was gone. And he made it clear I'd better not bother him!

A deep sigh escaped me until I finally managed to close my eyelids.

Just live your life Bella.

I was living. I was breathing. But the thing was...that was all I was doing. I was living. I was breathing. I was loving. I was leaving. I was doing something. Always doing something. Never settling. The thought struck me then. It struck me like a chord and I jumped up to sit on my bed staring into my hands like they were magic.

I never settled. I never settled with anyone. I was broken because I didn't settle. I couldn't settle...until...

Tears spilled in abandon while I realized what I had to do. I would be humiliated. I would be sick to my stomach. Or I would win. I would find my peace. I would finally rest. Rest in peace and tranquility. It was an either-or choice. Either this happened or that happened.

My lungs burned with all the sobbing until I finally came to my answer. Dawn's red rays were coming through my window which was never a good sign. Oh well...it would have to do. I pulled out my phone and took a deep breath. Now or never. Sent. I sighed.

***

Jake stared at me while I waited for him. He was wearing his flannel and warm coats which made his already giant figure look enormous. I felt small in comparison but I wouldn't back out.

With determination, I looked at him when we finally faced each other.

"Jacob."

"Bella."

I nodded at him. He nodded back.

"So, what'd you need?"

"I don't need anything, Jacob." I took in a deep breath and exhaled. "I need to tell you something."

His eyes were like saucers. "What's the matter? Is something—

"Jake, I have to confess something to you."

Jake stilled and when I met his eyes, they were curious and a bit cautious. I felt like I had run a marathon but there was no stopping now. This was it. This was the defining moment.

Now or never.

"Jake, I—I love you."

Jake looked at me and I looked at him. The sun was slowly rising up and his brows were rising along with it.

"W—What?"

I blinked. "I love you, Jacob Black. Will you be my boyfriend?"

The tension was palpable while I stood there. It all depended on his response today. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend anymore. I knew what I wanted. I knew who I was. I needed to know who he was and what he was. It was time.

Now or never.

Now or never. 

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Seriously feeling for Bella right now. Let me know what you think. 

#bellaxedwardforever