Forgotten age [a Martin Freeman fanfic]

10.

Pearl, my agent, had already picked a nice dress for me to wear at the launch party. Since I was going with Sophie I asked Pearl if it would be possible to get her a dress that would look nice next to mine. I wanted our outfits to combine.

When we were little we would always talk about how we would dress for our last prom. We promised each other we would go together, we swore no boy would get in the middle of it. And we kept our promise.

In the end, Pearl managed to get us both a pair of exotic dresses. They looked alike, however, the main difference was the color. Mine was emerald green and Sophie's was navy blue. Both of them were adorned by the most extravagant —yet beautiful— flowers, colored in white.

We complemented the dresses with white heels, matching feather earrings and a minimalistic diamond crown. I wore a shiny silver necklace, despite my recommendations, for whatever reason, Sophie insisted on showing her chest bare.

My agent went for a formal black dress, with black heels and pearl earrings. We all got ready at my house, Pearl had called the hair stylist and make up artist and they had just arrived.

"When did this turn into a pyjama party?" My brother Wes teased me when he noticed the amount of girls in my room.

"We're just getting ready, Wes," I said serenely, knowing only like this could I avoid slapping my brother's annoying little face.

"Call me when you start pillow-fighting, I'll grab my camera!" He added with a wink and disappeared through the corridor.

"Gross!" I muttered to myself, the hairstylist laughing behind me as she straightened my hair.

"He's so funny!" Sophie squealed for my surprise. I turned around to look at her, she seemed oddly nervous. Maybe it was just the pressure of the upcoming party.

I looked at myself in the mirror and was satisfied to confirm I looked pretty. I liked how the make up chosen looked on me. This was the first time I tried eyeshadow with such vivid colors. Sophie said I reminded her of a mermaid. I didn't know how to take it.

I can't deny, though, that during the whole lot of time I had been sitting on that chair in front of that mirror... I wanted to look pretty for him.

I wanted him to look at me and regret his words, his actions, everything he'd done in the last three weeks. I wanted him to want me, just for a few seconds. And man, I looked good. Of course, I couldn't confess any of this to Sophie. She'd plan something against it. She wouldn't let me speak to Martin, or even look at him. She would be doing it for my own well being, and that's why she is my best friend.

But this Martin thing.... I wasn't quite sure what it was. Revenge? Hatred? He had hurt me and I had grown to move past it. But in the bottom of my heart laid all the memories with him before he changed into mister busy serious man. All the laughs we had during the breaks, the long drives to set admiring the sunrise in the morning and the sunset in the evenings were now no more than memories covered in dust.
I remembered how I used to look at him changing the gears in the car and had to stop my urge to place my hand on top of his.

When I was with him I was constantly suppressing emotions, actions too. And I hated myself for it. I hated that I couldn't grow the balls to show him my real self. I had been a coward. Every time.

During the last week in set I had been unable to meet his eyes, let alone speak to him. Thankfully, we only shared a few scenes where I was a mere spectator. No contact established whatsoever.

I had to stand up for myself at least this one time. I had to find him alone at the launch party and have a little talk. Just the thought of it made me want to throw up. I was very nervous. However, I needed answers. There had to be an explanation for his sudden mood-swing. And it wasn't just me who noticed how differently he was acting. Lilian himself yelled at him 'secretly' a few times before rolling, I remember distinguishing a few of his words "Wake up, Martin! What's wrong with you? Wake up!"