[~Sander Sides Angst one shots.~]

If I Could Trade My Life For His..

this one place right after this last one!

Warning! suicidal thoughts cutting, pills, panic attack, suicide.

Logan's pov

I was the first to notice when Virgil suddenly got up and walked away, that wasn't like him. he wouldn't leave from family time, even if he had a headache, since that's the time he mostly feel safe. Patton tried to follow, but was just quickly dismissed by Virgil. something was off. I gave the two a nod, and I followed Virgil silently.  I've memorize all the creeks in the house, since I tend to walk around around 4 a.m.  he goes into room and shut the door behind him. I open it ever so slightly, just enough so I could see what he was doing,  and I saw him cutting himself.  I gave a quiet sigh,  but then he did something else that caught my attention.  he started climbing out the window.  once he was on the roof, immediately followed him, still saying silent. I never been on the roof before, but I doubt it creeks as much as the floors do.  he was standing near the edge I walk to work soon but he just.. fell.  I ran over and tried to grab him,  but it was already too late. I couldn't catch him.  I watched him fall, since there was nothing I could do. he looked up one last time, before his neck snapped, killing him almost instantly.  the first time in a while, I start crying. I cried harder, and harder. I couldn't stop the flow of tears.  I cared about him much more than I care about the other sides. I know that selfish to say, but he's the only one that doesn't annoy me. He's the only one I can really laugh around. he is the only ones that I can have a proper conversation with. He.. was like a best friend to me. Now he's gone. Because i just had to stay quiet.  if I could trade his life for mine, he be standing here right now, and they would smile, and that would be enough. I start hyperventilating, my brain starts screaming at me, that it was my fault.  did I could have stopped him. it just gets worse and worse, until I can't stand it anymore!  I pass out from all of the stress, falling backwards on the roof, thankfully not falling off the edge.  I woke up on Roman's bed, it was honestly a very big surprise for me, I.... I remember exactly what happened. I don't do anything, I just flip over and curl up.  I just want to shrivel up and fade. I begrudging sigh, and look up.. no one else is in the room.  Roman has his own bathroom.  I get up and race over there, only to have to catch myself on the wall from falling. I suddenly have massive headache.  I must it have my head when I fainted.  I slowly go in there and look at myself in the mirror,  before immediately throwing up blood into the sink.  everything started to to get.. dizzy.  What happened?  I look across the counter and see a bottle of pain pills. They could with the headache.  I didn't bother looking at the dosage, I just took around 8 or 9 into my hand and took them.  the dizziness just got worse, but the headache disappeared. I fell backwards, hitting the bathtub. I hold  my head as I slowly slip into sleep.