The Broken Mirror {COMPLETED}

Family Portrait

I strum my fingers on the guitar to get the correct key. I begin to hum and feel the melody that I want my original song to sound like. I hear a big band playing in my head and I write down the notations for the instruments I hear in my head. I hear brass instruments, piano, violin, everything. Different melodies play in my head for each of them and I write down what each one is telling me they want me to say. The story it wants me to tell.

That is the easy part. The hard part is what will my voice say. The instrument that lives within me. My roommate tries to stay out of the room a lot. I miss crazy Kline; she would have been sitting here trying to help me figure this out. This chick acts like someone shoved a stiletto up her ass. She hates when I start songwriting, but I could care less about her feelings.

Now I just need some lyrics. What do I want this song to say? What is the story it needs to tell? I wrote a bunch of love songs about Xavier, but this one, the song I hear in my head is not about love. It's about myself. I nibble at my lip and stare at the notepad wishing for the song to just jump off the page, but all I have is music notations for the different instruments. I know how I want it to sound.

Music is about capturing our spirits. The very things that make us tick. I think because there is so much confusion about me, who I am, I cannot put it to paper. The conflict that rises in me about who I see myself as compared to who I want to be is making this impossible. So, I sit here frustrated. Frustrated with myself, because with the amount of progress I have made, I am still not happy with who I am.

I see a monster, a demon, that sucks the life out of all that is good. I cannot help myself, at one point I did not care that I was this person, but now. I have things to lose, something I did not realize until I lost my sister. I reveled in who I was. You can't revel in things that eventually destroy those you love. All that happens is you bear the guilt of said destruction.

I push the guitar to the side, feeling quite defeated. It's time for what I have been dreading. Family therapy. My whole family is here for it. I get off the bed and walk to Dr. Bryce's office. I take a deep breath and enter the room. My family is already seated in there. I hug and kiss my father, Cookie, and Apollo. I don't even look at my mother, who never makes eye contact with me.

Dr. Bryce has us positioned in a circle. I sit between her and Apollo. Cookie sits on the opposite side of Dr. Bryce, while my mother sits next to Cookie. My father is in the middle of Cookie and Apollo. My heart is pounding because I don't want to know what will happen today. It could be even worse than last time.

"The plan for this week is to uncover and disarm Siren's triggers," Dr. Bryce announces to them. They all, but my mother nod their head looking at each other. "If we can get to the root causes, she'll be ready for outpatient and can go home. So, I need cooperation from everyone."

I look at my mother finally. I can tell she sees me staring at her, but she does not acknowledge me at all. This is going to be a long week. I stifle a groan of frustration.

"Dr. Price, I'd love to hear about your story. Help me piece together things," she asks my grandmother. Cookie's face turns white, which is odd for her. She's usually strong and self-composed. She looks at Dr. Bryce as if she's not sure if she's able to speak yet. "Speak when you are ready."

Cookie nods her head. She takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. "I don't talk much about my life, especially my early years," she begins. She is telling the truth. I know everything about her after she married my grandfather, but nothing before. "My mother was a maid and my father worked construction. I grew up lower-middle class in Brooklyn. My father was a hard man. Filled with rage most of the time, especially when he would have a hard time finding work. He was... he was a functioning alcoholic."