The Broken Mirror {COMPLETED}

Make You Feel My Love

I will say that Thanksgiving was exactly what I was trying to avoid. My past and present collided and all I can say is I am happy to be back at home. The home I share with Cookie. Since then, Tyler keeps texting me. Gabrielle and Ethan have been asking me more questions. Then there is Xavier and I just keep remembering what it felt to be held against his hard chest. His strong arms around me.

What he said to me. I do not think I have ever had any guy speak to me like that or look at me like that. Shoot just do any of that. They usually look at me with complete lust, but his eyes had more than that. It scared me. What he said was extremely frightening. I must keep reminding myself that I don't do relationships and with all the crap I've been through, I can't now.

Even though I keep trying to convince myself of that, the touch of his hands is seared into my memory. I crave those hands. The way they made me feel wanted. They offered a promise to me, but a promise I know I cannot offer back. Now, I sit at my window and stare out.

My room is at the back of the house and looks out to plush green forests filled with palm trees and tropical plants and a pond filled probably filled with gators. I look straight down to see the beginning of a pool being installed. My parents seemed to have won that fight.

"Si! You have a visitor," Cookie calls out.

"Send her up!" I respond. I continue to look out waiting for Gabrielle to enter my room. I can hear the feet running up the steps and coming towards my door. The door begins to open. "El---." I stop midsentence when I realize the person in front of me is Xavier, not Gabrielle. I stare at him waiting for him to explain his presence. We continue to look at each other and awkward is the best way to describe this. I raise my eyebrow at him, signaling him to open his mouth.

"I...uh... hello, I guess that's where I should start," he finally says to me. I fold my arms over my chest as he begins to step in further. "Beautiful room, by the way."

"Why are you here?" I don't find any of this amusing.

"You hadn't been by the house and I wanted to check on you."

"Could've just asked El how I was doing," then something occurs to me. "and how did you know where I lived?" I shake my head. "don't answer, I'll kill her later."

"She was just the messenger and I was not going to be satisfied with her telling me how you were," he admits to me, inching closer to me. I continue to sit at the window. His eyes have that same intense look and it's just as terrifying now, as it was before.

"I don't want you worried about me or pitying me because I have issues with substance abuse," I tell him.

"Is that what you think this is?" He asks me.

I nod my head. "I don't need a captain-save-a-ho."

He laughs a little while getting closer to the window. "I am not here to save you. The day we met; I had already been looking at you before you bumped into me. I reacted badly and then I couldn't stop it. Next thing I know Ethan is inviting you out for lunch. My mind was racing because all I could think about was the fact that I was going to have to stare at your beautiful face and not have a single thing to say to you."

He is saying way too much. Sadly, it's not him, it's me. I am the problem and trust me its not an attraction issue. He could hold me for hours. Hearing him say these things to me, this revelation is making things worse. There is too much wrong with me and the amount of baggage cannot fit in one place. Yet, I remember the moment we had at the restaurant when he gazed into my eyes and I felt exposed by his empathy.

"Xavier, I am not ready for a relationship and I---," he closes the final gap and gently places a finger over my lip. I gasp at his touch.

"I am not trying to pressure you into one... I'm just here to let you know not to push me away," I go to speak, and he grabs my hands. I keep my mouth closed and he gently caresses them with his fingers. "You need someone to confide in. Have you told El about your past?" I shake my head no. "We are a lot more alike than you think... and after witnessing Thanksgiving," I begin to laugh at just how horrible Thanksgiving was and knowing that I was not the only one who felt that way.