Saved

A Friend

A/N: Trigger Warning! Some parts of this chapter may be emotional and triggering. If self harm and suicidal thoughts bother you.. please don't read this chapter. Honestly, you might not want to read this story at all. I'm not trying to trigger anyone. I'm just trying to capture Tyler's past and struggles into my writings as well as I can. I hope you understand! Stay alive :D

Tyler: Hey
Josh: Salutations

"Seriously?" I yell to myself. He's going to think I'm an actual idiot!

Tyler: Haha what???
Josh: lol idk dude, wassup?
Tyler: Nm
Tyler: Hey btw...
Josh: Yeah??
Tyler: wanna hang out at my place tomorrow? I don't have any plans.

I feel overwhelmed with joy and happiness right now. Somebody actually wants to hang out with me? I stare at the screen in shock and begin to reply.

Josh: Dude that'd be sick as frick!
Tyler: 😂
Tyler: How bout like uh idk come over at 10 am tomorrow? That cool?
Josh: Yeah that's great dude, I'll see you there!

We text for awhile longer and ahh I'm just so happy. Tyler is so cool! I'm so excited for tomorrow. Okay, to be honest I'm pretty anxious and my heart is pounding. It can't be that bad though. I mean what is he gonna do, kill me?

Tylers POV

He doesn't really want to be your friend. Even if he does all you're going to do is hurt him. You don't deserve friends, you don't deserve to be happy. Even your siblings have given up on talking to you. You are a burden. You are useless. Kill yourself, let me win. Let me win...

I scream into my pillow and start crying. I take the razor blade and carefully slice into my arm. I can't find an empty space to cut so I end up slicing open another cut.

I hate myself for doing this.. but the pain, the blood. It reminds me that I'm still alive. It gives me relief, at least for a little bit. This isn't healthy. I know it isn't.. I just don't know what else to do. I would just end it all but I don't want to let Blurryface win. Also, I'm scared to end it to be honest.

After a few minutes I put the razor blade up and just sit there crying uncontrollably.

I think about how I used to be happy. It was only a year ago. I remember, I remember it everyday. Why can't I forget? I want to forget, I just can't. I need someone to save me. I know I can't save myself.

Knees on the ground, head tilted down, and I will ask..

My own dumb lyrics are running through my mind. I wish God would save me but will he? I don't know. I really don't. Sometimes, well, a lot of times. I think he made a serious mistake. There's no way he meant for me to be alive. I don't have a purpose. I'm not going to save lives or change lives when I can barely even stay alive.

I sit at my piano and sob while I think of lyrics. I tap the keys gently and then I start doubting myself again and I give up.

I go over to my bed. I think of Josh for a second and I almost smile, I'm almost happy. But I can't smile anymore, I won't. Not after what happened. I can't smile when they're gone, it's not right.