Wings on Tailored Suits // Zarry

xxi.

The week when Sebastian's in London, Harry decides to stay home from school. Have some time for himself, away from everyone. Maybe wallow in sadness for a bit, play the guitar, watch a season of a TV show. Everyone needs to treat themselves sometimes and rest far away from all the stressful things.

So Harry tells his mom he's feeling a bit sick, that he felt like he had a fever so he wants to stay home in order to be in great shape for the Winter Ball. Of course, she just says 'Oh, my poor boy' and without even checking his forehead if he really has a fever or not, she tells him to go lie down and relax. And Harry prepares himself for a few days of solitude.

He doesn't really talk to anyone, only to their housekeeper and cook Cathy, and that's only when he wants some food or tea. The group chat gets a lengthy text about how Harry's feeling shit and that they can't visit him so they don't catch anything before the Ball. He ignores all of their calls, only sending 3-5 texts a day to the group chat to prevent them all from thinking Harry's on the brink of death or already in the morgue.

Harry tries not to worry about where his relationship with Sebastian stands but he's terribly unsuccessful. Sebastian calls him from London only once, saying he's landed and that they'll see each other when he picks Harry up for the ball. At least that's settled and Sebastian doesn't sound too hostile. But thanks to Harry's philosophical thinking about his whole life fuelled by Russian Standard, the idea of them breaking up doesn't completely terrify him. He doesn't want them to break up, not at all but if it was the only option, Harry thinks he could make it on his own. Well, with his friends too. Sebastian is still his harbour of happiness and Harry doesn't wanna let go of him. It'd be painful.

Another thing Harry tries to keep his mind off of is kissing Zayn again. It was a mistake. Harry's in a great relationship, even though they do have some problems. Sebastian still loves him and Harry would never ever cheat on him. One kiss isn't cheating after all. Harry was drunk off his ass and was feeling things he probably shouldn't. Or more like, things he'd never feel without the help of a bottle of vodka. He can't deny that it was nice. Considering the level of alcohol in their blood. They used to kiss every single day once upon a time and it was a little piece of this warm nostalgia that Harry will keep close to his heart but never repeat. Maybe it was closure. He and Zayn didn't end their romantic past on the best note.

Over the days filled with Netflix and too many pastries eaten in bed, Harry tries to come to terms with the fact that Sebastian isn't the first person Harry truly, really loved. In hindsight, it's quite distressing how blind Harry was. It's years too late now but Harry remembers the warm fuzzy feeling in his belly, the butterflies when they used to kiss. A remnant of it made an appearance when Harry kissed Zayn after the party. Back then, Harry used to think it was just arousal, his body naturally reacting to kissing someone attractive who was also really good at it. But at eighteen, he realizes he fell in love with Zayn at sixteen and sex wasn't the only culprit responsible.

Some months after they started having sex, they found themselves hanging out without Lara, Peyton and Chris quite often. Those butterflies were still present even when they went to see superhero films that Harry always slept through or when they visited a few art galleries with mostly art students' works. Back then, Harry tried his hardest to deny there were feelings between them, that what was going on was an actual relationship. Everyone knew they were together anyways thanks to them not being able to keep their hands to themselves at parties and sometimes at school too. Anyone who didn't know them that well thought they were dating but sixteen-year-old Harry just shrugged and moved on with his day.

His relationship with Zayn is long gone but it feels cathartic to finally acknowledge it. Yes, they were dating. Yes, they were in love. Yes, it's all in the past. Harry's happy to be friends with Zayn again and that their every interaction isn't filled with awkward laughs and a dark cloud of their past hanging over their head. Although Harry's quite glad he doesn't have to see Zayn immediately after the kiss. There is a chance thing will be awkward now and avoiding finding out as long as he can, sounds like a great plan.