Mr. Horny B*stard (Jungkook x Reader)

CHAPTER 8: MIXED SIGNALS

『✄- - -☞ Yoongi's POV ☜- - -✄』

My eyes felt heavy, heavier than usual. My heart was compressed and my shoulders were permanently slumped, I felt disconnected but one person kept me together. Hoseok clutched my head to his chest as he snored asleep, he was still in his work clothes and his dress shirt was still a bit damp. I felt guilty but he'd never know how bad I actually felt.

I looked beside me and my alarm clock showed that it was 7am, it was still a bit dark outside but the sun was eventually going to rise. It was completely opposite to what I felt. I look up seeing Hobi's face, serene and calm, I place his head in my hands as I caress his cheeks with my thumb.

"Why are you doing this to me", I thought too scared to unveil my thoughts.
"Why are you leading me on", my sight began to become blurry.
"Why are you lying, you don't love me", I barely whisper.
"I'm just a friend to you, nothing more", I slowly remove myself from him.

I pull the blanket up to Hobi's chin as I carefully make my way out of my bedroom, the door closes with an inaudible click as I head towards my living room. I used to go to therapy a lot but I stopped after I felt uncomfortable sharing all of my personal life plus I thought I became more stable, usually when I'm depressed I don't eat that much but my therapist taught me how to eat the pain away so I don't become unhealthy skinny like I used to be.

I used to be self conscious about how I looked, I was too fat or too skinny but after I ate more and more people started to call me cute, I soon found myself liking the praise and now I'm at a healthy weight now. From when I was 18 to now, I changed a lot, I found myself a little bit happier and less paranoid, I didn't feel as lonely as before.

But I don't know how to feel now. My heart wants what it wants and that's Hobi but it didn't want to be broken again, I didn't want to pick up pieces when it took me this long to mend it back. I searched my fridge and got ingredients to make pancakes, I was too lazy to make them from scratch so I just got pancake flour and poured milk until it was a thick consistency.

I turned on the stove and cracked a fire, I greased my pan and started to dollop equal amounts of pancake batter. My house was in a really quiet neighbourhood, to my left was an old loving couple that was frequently visited by their children and on my right was an old man that like listening to music. Their lives seemed so complete, the family made homemade meals everyday and ate together while the lonely old man grooved to any beat he found interesting. But me, my life was a black and white film with no sound, a movie no one saw in cinemas except for that one person.

I turned off the burner and soak the pan in a bit of water, I got plates from the cupboard and stacked pancakes on them. I opened my fridge and got some fruits and placed a few on top, I grabbed the can of whipped cream and just dosed it all over my pancakes. I kept swirling and swirling until the tall peak came to a flop. I ate every last bit of my food as I left Hobi's plate by itself, I didn't want to wake him up.

I drop myself onto my couch and turned on the TV, I scrolled through Netflix and decided to play Spirited Away, a all time favourite. I got the tiniest bit of excitement as I watched the opening, I grabbed the folded blanket on the arm of the couch and laid down, getting comfortable.

I heard light steps coming closer but I was too invested in the movie to care.
"Yoongi, are you okay", Hoseok came rushing to me and hugged me.
"What do you mean", I question.
"Your crying", he wiped my tears with his thumb.
"Oh I don't why but I just randomly cry when I feel depressed, I get into my feelings that I don't even know I'm sobbing".
"You got me worried there".
"If only you knew", I thought.

"Do you wanna go out today, maybe it'll make you happier", Hobi suggested smiling.
"When I'm like this, the best thing to do is watch The Notebook, cry while your surrounded by used tissues, watch all the good Disney movies, bing Sailor Moon and if I'm feeling adventurous, I'll slip some Barbie in there".
"We can do that", Hobi reached for the blanket but I stopped him.
"Don't you have worked today, you certainly haven't finished yours and I have. Even though I have depression, I don't always need someone around, I like being alone remember, gives me time to think about how I'll fix myself".
"You sure?".
"I'm sure", I give a short smile.

"Because if you did, I wouldn't know what to do. I can't think when I'm around you, all I do is stare. I can't stop dreaming about you, all I want to do is sleep more. I can't daydreaming about you, all I want to do is kiss you but you'll never know that", I spoke to myself.
"You'll never know about how many hints I give, you'll never know how jealous I get when your with another girl, you'll never know how much I beat myself up for not growing a pair of balls to ask you out. You'll never know how much i love you", I aimlessly stare at Hobi's back as he heads for the door.

"I love you Jung Hoseok, I've loved you for the last three years. I don't hate your company even though I tell you to go away, I say your annoying but I could listen to your voice for hours, I love when you hug me but I'm just too scared to say it. I love you Jung Hoseok, I love you so fucking much", I watch as the door close.