Reasons - m.c

Chapter 49

"Wait, close your eyes."

Michael's P.O.V

Shay told me that while on her run with Luke, she told him about Evan. I was proud of her for telling him her story & I thought telling him during a one-on-one situation was a good idea too. Now he understood a lot more & he was a great support.

A few days after their run, Luke & I had a writing session together so Shay was at home with Ashton & Calum & she ended up telling them about Evan while we were gone so everyone was on the same page now & the lads were nothing but supportive for her which made my heart happy.

Shay was skyping with her therapist from home once a week now & that was helping her too. I could honestly see a difference in her mood too so that was making me a very happy guy. 

One night, we were just laying in my bed, as usual. 

"Mikey?"

"Yea cutie pie?"

"I wanna talk to you about something."

"Of course, anything."

"So I talked to my therapist the other day & I told her about how like we tried having sex & it ended in tears & a breakdown. & then uh, she said is very common for like survivors but uhm she gave me some like ideas to try to like move forward because I really do want to have sex with you." Shay was very quiet when she spoke, like she was afraid to bring the topic up but I was totally comfortable talking with her about this.

"I want to as well but you I'm fine waiting until you're ready." I reassured her.

"Which I love Mikey but I'm done waiting, you know? I'm tired of waiting."

"Okay that's fine. So what did she suggest?"

"So even though I know I can trust you, like in my mind & heart I honestly trust you, she said like I don't know how to explain it, my body's reaction to being really intimate is to fight it off since that's the only experience I have with it...do you get what I'm saying? Like even though I know to trust you, I need to like let my body know it's okay to trust you too."

"Okay, so what do we do for that?"

"A few things. She said the small steps we've taken so far is good, like how slowly we get to less & less clothing when we're like fooling around & stuff but uhm she said like if we shower together or take a bath or swim naked or something together it might help. So were like being completely vulnerable in a situation but we don't have sex & then since nothing happens between us, it might show my mind that it's okay to trust you, that you didn't take advantage of me & that maybe we can more forward after that."

"Well I love those ideas. I'd love to shower with you or whatever you want."

"I do too. & if I feel comfortable with that, then maybe we'd be able to try again, okay?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with babe, it works for me."

"I think I wanna take a bath together." She smiled.

"I'll be there. Just name a time & place."

"How about your bathroom, right now?" Shay said as she looked up at me. "Is that okay?"

"You want to try this like right now?"

Shay just laughed. "Yea, why do you think I brought it up silly?"

"Alright, then let's go."

I rolled out of bed & I grabbed her hand, walking us into my bathroom.