Reasons - m.c

Chapter 41

It's Just Us

Shay's P.O.V

Even though I absolutely loved my morning with Michael, like four Christmas movies & all of the cuddling because he couldn't sleep was great but the rest of the day wasn't the best.

I mean Calum caught us making out which I was slightly uncomfortable with but I guess that's bound to happen when you live with three other people so I let it go. What was bothering me more was when we went out shopping. There were just so many people, like I literally couldn't walk without stepping on someone's foot or running into Michael. It was so overwhelming & I held it together for him but I kind of just wanted to cry the entire time. I knew we were safe with his security guy Jon there too but it was just insane. Girls were pulling at his arm, trying to ask me questions & it was even crazier than the airport. The worst part was I knew this was his norm & if I was with Michael, I'd have to get used to this. On top of that, the looming idea of tour was still bothering me. When Michael would be on tour, not only would we be apart but all of those girls will still be throwing themselves at him & I won't be there to like show he's mine. I knew he wouldn't try anything with them but then again, he used to. With me gone, maybe his old tendencies would come back. Did Michael even really want to be tied down while on the road? I thought a lot about that when I fell asleep for a nap. When I woke up, I heard the guys in the kitchen but I didn't join them right away, I listened to their conversation about the hate that I might receive too & that just added to my emotions but then they asked me to go out tonight & even though I didn't want my sobriety to be a secret, it was hard to tell them because I wasn't sure if it was the right time.

With all of this filling my mind, I just had to excuse myself & leave for a bit,

I went into Mikey's room & I just looked out the window, hoping to distract myself with the view to stop the tears that were forming.

Not too long after, there was a quiet knock. "Babe? It's just me. Can I come in? Well, I'm coming in anyway." & then I heard Michael open the door & walk towards me. He didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around me, not knowing that as soon as he did that, the tears began to fall.

"Shay? What happened back there?"

"I don't know." My voice cracked.

"Come sit." Michael told me, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. I figured why not & I followed, sitting on his lap. He took my hand & started playing with the bracelet I was wearing before saying, "Talk to me, please?"

"This is a lot Michael."

"What's a lot?"

"Your life. You tried to warn me & I thought I could handle it but now I see it's a lot."

"Tell me about it. Let's talk."

"Well, I was terrified today at the shops. I know Jon was there & you held my hand but it's scary. I felt like I was being pulled & pushed & all of the yelling. It made me so nervous. That's your norm & I don't know if I can ever get used to it."

"To tell you the truth, even I'm not used to it but if it scares you that much, let me know & we'll leave right away or get more security or something. Okay?"

"I know but it doesn't change the fact that hundreds of people follow you everywhere you go."

"I know, I'd change that if I could."

"But then last night Ashton said you guys were planning on touring next year which I knew is inevitable for your career but I guess that just made me realize how long we might be apart."