my thoughts

how I feel inside

I know that this isn't a poem but about this subject (my anxiety) is too much to say to make it a good poem and I think in the future that I might write more like this but I don't know yet. Thank you for reading.

I could describe this in only one sentence : I don't know who I am. It's the truth, I really don't know who I am. How I am depends on who I'm with. If I am with a badass, then I'm a badass too. If I am with a crazy person then I'm crazy too. I have acted like this my whole life. Conclusion: I am nobody. I am so afraid that someone won't like me that I change into someone that person wants to see. I will never give my own opinion if I know that that person won't agree with me. It's killing me because I don't know who I see in the mirror everyday.

There is only one thing that I see everytime, a broken girl. I have been depressed for almost two years, it has broken me and made this new person that I don't know. It feels like I'm a little kid again and I have to explore the world, myself, everything all over.

The only thing that I am sure of is my sexuality, my gender. I am pansexual and i am so proud of that just because i know so sure that that is ME.

I have a boyfriend, and i know that he loves me, I just don't know why he loves me. I don't know what makes him love me. Apparently he sees a girl I don't see. That has to be it, because you can't fall in love with nobody, can you?

I always wonder what people see when they look at me. Do they see how broken I am or do they just see a girl that is afraid to talk to strangers and doesn't wear the clothes she wants because she is afraid to be noticed.
It's not that I can just ask them who I am. I did it once and you just get answers like:' you're smart, you're funny you're sweet'. But that doesn't help. The only person that knows who you really are is yourself. But if don't know who I am what do I have to do.