I tend to say that I'm going to do something and then find a reason not to do it. today, even though it's barely day two, I was about to give up on the whole writing thing because I convinced myself that it was pointless and a waste of my time, but here I am working on being consistent.
today I saw Grease for the billionth time but this time it kind of opened my eyes up to something new. I want to make the most of my senior year and I also felt a responsibility to be myself. that sounds like a pretty weak goal because for some people it is really easy to be themselves. now, I'm not saying that it's hard to be myself but it is really hard when you don't really know what you even are. I want to be a thousand things at the same time, and I just can't seem to find the proper way to express that on a physical scale. I want my visual style to really resonate with my inner self but I've been sadly cursed with being incredibly insecure. I know that it's up to me to do something about it but I feel like I have other things to worry about so to add up to my to do list; I will now need to try to do things that will make me feel better about myself so I can find my self.
one time I wrote something in my notes that said
"finding yourself isn't a choice, you can't suddenly decide to find yourself as much as being lost or losing yourself isn't a choice either"
I still stand by it but I'm not just gonna sit around and think that by doing nothing that all of the sudden I'm gonna stand up and say "okay great I just found myself". I need to do something ANYTHING. so yeah, schools almost in session lads, and it's gonna be one hell of a year.
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts worth expressing
Randomthis is my life. whoever you are, reading this, this is a story that is as real and as genuine as possible. this is kind of a blog about my life and what I think, but turned into a story?
