// BILLIE EILISH IMAGINES //

Troubled

Warning:this chapter contains mention of cutting one's wrist. Read at your own risk.

She's suffering. She's drowning on her own thoughts. She can't help but to overthink, all of the things she was put through. And that girl is you. Y/n l/n.

  You are troubled, all of it because of your recent boyfriend, passing away from an accident. You were constantly and repeatedly blaming yourself because of his death. Your parents didn't care about your state, which made you miserable even more.

  You went to psychiatrists, took medication, meditation, but nothing helps. You are falling apart. It hunts you in your sleep. You're scared, afraid, so lost and most of all, alone.

  But one person came and decided that she didn't want to gave up on you. Her name was Billie Eilish. She was with you for the past 3 months, but you knew each other for almost 2 years. She was a friend, but as the time passed, it became more than that. She is now your girlfriend.

  She knew about all the pain you've been through, and she's trying to help you in the best ways she can. You were beyond thankful of her being there with you, overcoming your state.

  But you're still holding back. You can't bring to tell all the pain inside you. Sure, you told her everything was fine when it's clearly not. You didn't tell her all about the nights when you cried to yourself, cutting your wrists, and your drinking habit.

  You wore long sleeves so whenever she comes around, she will never notice.

  Until one night, she decided to bring Chinese food, and she do have a spare key for your house. She was singing along with the radio, clearly happy and looking forward to the night.

  She pulled up in front of your home, smile never leaving her lips. She closed the door beside her, before locking it. She made her way through your door, Chinese foods dangling on her other hand. She clicked open the door, closing it behind her. She went to the kitchen, placing the food on top of the table.

"Y/n? Are you home?" she said in a happy tone, but no one responded. She was confused, but she proceed to look in the living room, then your bedroom, and lastly, the bathroom.

"Y/n, are you- Y/n!" she exclaimed, before dashing near you. You were  loosing so much blood on both of your wrists,  slowly losing your consciousness.

  She's starting to panic, carrying your body all the way to her car, and driving to the nearest hospital.

  She carried you outside as fast as she can inside the hospital, crying for help.

"Please! Help! My girlfriend is dying!" she shouted, calling for help.

  The nurses helped her to put your unconscious body down on the stretcher, strapping an oxygen mask to keep you breathing.

"Stay with me, y/n." she whispered, tears on her cheeks. She was stopped, and she waited on the bench.

Am I good girlfriend? Why did she do it?  Didn't I help her enough? Did I do my best? Did I help at all?

  All those questions raced inside her mind, making her cry even more. She's doubting herself, unable to think clearly. She was sobbing, her face is buried on her knees, the feeling as if though she let you down.

  An our went by, and a doctor approached her.

"Are you a relative of ms. Y/n l/n?" she said, and Billie stood up.

"Her girlfriend, actually. Her parents are currently on abroad. I'm Billie. " she sniffed, wiping away her tears.

"Dr. Handerson. Ms. L/n is fine now, she did lost a lot of blood but luckily, we were able to save her until she completely lose all of her blood." the doctor explained and she nodded in response.

"Thank you doctor. Can I see her now?" she asked, eager to see you.

"Sure, right this way." the doctor said, before motioning Billie to follow her.

  She stopped in front of your ward, and she excuses herself. Billie reaches for the handle, hand shaking. She turned the nob slowly and as she entered, her heart sank.

  Your life is supported by those machines, eyes are sunken slightly. Her heart slowly breaks as she walks towards you, body slightly shaking.

  She held your hand, and her tears are starting to fall down her cheeks. She imagined the pain your going through. She did all she could, but she felt as though it wasn't enough.

If I was enough, you won't be lying there.

If she helps, why do you still suffer?

  She cried next to you, and the next thing she knew, she fell asleep.

-----

  You fluttered your eyes open, eyes adjusting from the brightness. You closed your eyes shut for a moment before opening again. The room was unfamiliar, but you heard a beeping sound. You looked around, and that's when you noticed that you are in the hospital.

  You looked beside you, and there she was, Billie. Her cheeks are stained with tears. You felt bad, knowing that you're the reason why is she crying. As if though she sensed that your awake, her eyes open slowly, and she caught your eyes.

"Hey, are you okay? How are you feeling?" she asked, holding you hand, with her soft one. You squeezed her hand, letting out a small sigh.

  You can't help but to feel pathetic, not caring about how will she feel if she lose you. Tears are forming on your eyes, making her expression soften.

"Come here." she said, pulling you for a hug. You hugged her back, crying on her shoulder. She was rubbing your back, in attempt to calm you down.

"I'm so sorry." you cried, head buried on the crook of her neck.

"Shh. It's okay now, y/n. You don't need to be sorry." she responded, kissing the top of your head.

"R-Really?" you asked, pulling away from her hug.

  She smiled and remove some strands of hair that are stuck on your face, placing it behind your ears.

"Look, what matters is that you're here, alive and getting well. I love you, and I am glad that I was able to be with you, and to take care of you. Just let the past stays in the past, okay? It was never your fault and it never will, alright?" she said, lacing her fingers with yours.

"I'll try. Thank you, Billie. I love you so much. " you replied, before she pulled you again for a hug.

She was with you until you recovered and discharged from the hospital. She helped you in so many ways, and you are more than happy to be with her.

  She promised to herself that she will be there with you, through thick and thin. She will be there to guide you, and to make you feel loved. She is indeed, an angel that was sent down here from above.