Kill Me Heal Me - JENLISA

Chapter 11

Jennie's POV

I don't date.

Her words felt like a punch straight to the gut. I felt like I was drowning in a pool of water, but no one was even paying attention. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and grossed out. I just gave her a piece of me that I hadn't even thought to give to my suitor, who I'd known for more than twelve years, and she was now telling me that she didn't date. Didn't that imply she took advantage of me? that she used me?

However, I supposed it was my own fault. I didn't even ask her what her real intentions were; I was so clouded by my desire for her that I couldn't even remember who she really was.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, Jennie!

My eyes stung, and I looked away from her. I refused to let her see me cry.

"So every time you kissed me," I paused, feeling as if I were losing control of everything.

"I thought you knew." She tried to console me, but I didn't even listen. I had to be the dumbest girl in the world who didn't know how this world worked.

"Don't ever talk to me again." I spit, tears clouding my vision as I reach for the door knob.

"Jennie-"

"No!" I shouted, warding her off with my hand outstretched. She looked like she was in pain, but I knew better. She didn't care about me; she saw that I was in a vulnerable state, and she took advantage. "I mean it. Don't ever come near me again."

I left the room with tears running down my face. I held my arms around my body as a way to keep myself together, but I knew there was nothing to hold on to.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I tried to find my way back to the party, covering the sound of my sobbing as it tried to force its way out of the opening. I had to stop myself, placing a hand on the wall and steadying my unbalanced body.

I couldn't do any of it.

First Kai, then Lisa, and now this. I just gave up on a moral that I was so determined to keep to a girl who didn't even want to be in a relationship with me. Oh gosh...

I was really naive.

What was wrong with me? Here, I hadn't even given my suitor proper attention because I couldn't get my mind off of Lisa, and she really wanted nothing to do with me. She wasn't there for me because she genuinely cared about me and my feelings; she was there because I was vulnerable. She took the opportunity to use my unguarded persona against me. I did things that I normally wouldn't do at all, and now I regret every bit of it.

My parents would be ashamed of me.

I cried a little harder at the thought and turned my back fully against the wall. I needed to find a bathroom. If someone came up here and recognized me, I didn't even want to know what would happen. I couldn't come up with a reason as to why I would be, and soon enough, Kai would find Lisa.

Halting my sobbing, I reached the bathroom, where luckily the door was open. I locked the slab and leaned my back against it, sliding down to the ground.

I didn't know how long I had to stay in there, crying and pitying my decisions, but when a knock on the door came, I flinched out of my emotional state.

Thinking a little clearer, I didn't say anything in the hope that they would just go away.

"Jennie?" The knock came again, and the wind knocked me out. It was Kai. Oh no. He would find out what I did; he would see it in my face or something. He would be disgusted by me.