Burned

Chapter Twenty

I don't know what time it was when I woke up, but it was before the sun was up. I snatched up my phone and tiptoed to the bathroom where my clothes were. Thankfully, they were dry. I shrugged into my clothes. They were stale from drying with the lake water, but I didn't care. I couldn't be here any longer. I folded Erik's t-shirt and laid it on the pillow next to him. Then, I turned and left. I didn't have my car, so I had to walk home. 

The whole time I was wracking my brain on what to do. It was hard to do much thinking due to the splitting headache that I blamed on Scotch. One thing kept repeating in my brain, in a punishing loop was Erik and I in bed together. Him shifting into a Mountain Lion had been the sobering shock we both needed. We couldn't sleep together! We were friends and I had barely broken up with Daniel. Not to mention, Erik was still dating Sage.

I felt dirty and ashamed. I had never meant to be that person -- the other woman. I wasn't a cheating kind of person and I knew Erik wasn't either. Yet, somehow we both had become that person. I wanted to blame the alcohol, but the truth was that had just lowered our inhibitions. The feelings had always been there, festering just below the surface. What had happened (or almost happened) had been a long time coming. 

Why was I surprised that it had come so close? I gripped the Amulet, feeling a little better afterward, then proceeded inside my house. As I crept upstairs, I didn't hear or see anyone, which was good. I had no explanation for coming home so early. I had no explanation for anything that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours. It didn't feel real. It wasn't something I would do. Yet, I had. 

Now, I had to face it. This wasn't something that was just going to disappear. Erik was going to have questions for me, especially the way I left. I should text him or call him soon. Speaking of, I should probably turn my phone on. I did that and plugged it in on the charger. I wanted to sleep -- forever, but instead, I hopped in the shower. I needed to get the smell of Erik and his bed off of me. Every time I inhaled, I smelled his oaky smell and it only made me feel bad. 

It was a good thing Erik and I hadn't had sex. That would have crossed the line. 

Well, I mean I guess either way we crossed a line. Obviously, making out while in the shower wasn't something Sage would approve of. That wasn't something friends did -- that wasn't what Erik and I did. I should have left last night after he shifted. It looked bad that I had stayed the night, especially since that meant I had spent the night with Erik. Being in the shower, reminded me of the last time I had been in the shower.

My heart dropped because it was one of the best memories I had, but I wasn't able to enjoy it. Shame and embarrassment saturated our moment. I hadn't realized how much I wanted Erik, but now I was scared. I was so scared. I was scared of Sage's reaction. She was probably going to kill Erik, then me. I hadn't seen a Lycan angry, but I knew it wasn't good. I had seen Sage in a fight and it was brutal. My life was so messy. 

What will Addie think? I can't even tell her because she's in California. I wish she were here, so I could talk to someone. She might understand, except she would probably be upset with Erik and me too. She had been a fan of Erik and me as a couple, even pushing me to choose him. That was before he met Sage. Now, I'm not sure what Addie would say. It doesn't matter since she's not here. 

I crumpled to the floor of the shower. I held my knees to my chest, letting the water spill over me. I pulled the plug at the bottom of the tub and let the water fill. Then, the tears came. I cried because I was confused, sad, and lonely. Why had I let last night happen? I should have never gone inside his house. I shouldn't have pulled him into the water. I shouldn't have brought the stupid bottle of booze to the lake. My tears intensified as I went through the self-deprecating episode.