Solitude -> The Walking Dead

38

Beth's voice filled the cell block echoing off the walls. Andrea had left hours ago and the gravity of our situation settled in. We were at war and at a disadvantage. We could lose everything.

My eyes flickered over to Merle and Dakota. They were both looking at each other with a softness that reminded me of a time long gone. It wasn't like before, or it didn't feel like it. There was a certain kind of longing between them.

Perhaps for what they had or what they could've had. Losing that baby drove them away as quickly as it brought them closer all that time ago. She left her family for him and now they can't even speak to each other.

As she looked away from him, I could see how much it still hurt her to be in the same room as him. In a way, the only thing stopping her from being with him again is her family. I don't think she can handle losing us again. Not after losing her own little family.

Ryan was beside her though his eyes were set on Beth singing. He had sacrificed himself for our family, too. After seeing what Dakota's love did to her, he never did attempt anything with Beth. His sole focus was on this group and our family.

And just like that, I looked at Daryl from across the room. He seemed to be discussing something with Hershel and Rick who was carrying Judith. An unsettling feeling formed in my stomach at the thoughts in my head.

Every member of my family gave up on romantic attachments so that we'd survive first and foremost. Yet here I was, being the selfish sister, and I indulged in a feeling that probably won't last. Dakota and Merle didn't.

They've given up so much for us and for our vow. Family comes first. How can I honor that if I constantly worry about Daryl and his safety? I almost got separated from them at the farm because my heart thought of him. I can't let that happen again, no matter how much it hurts.

My eyes locked with Daryl's and I motioned at the door with my head. He nodded and we left the cell block. Several heads turned at our exit but none followed us. I fumbled with my fingers as we finally got out of earshot.

"Do you remember the night the farm was overrun and we were all separated?"

"Yeah?"

"I looked for you. My family was in danger and I still looked for you. I put my family at risk because I cared for you and I... I can't do that again. Especially not now."

His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned against a wall. I released a shaky breath waiting for his reaction. He cleared his throat before looking at the ground.

"What are you saying, Josephine?"

I shifted uncomfortably as my heart started racing. It was beating a hundred miles per hour and yet it felt like it broke as soon as I started speaking.

I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold his hand, apologize for what I was doing.

"I'm saying that family comes first. And I can't care for them, and you, at the same time. My heart can't take it, because one day I might have to choose. I can't choose anyone over my family. Not even you."

The realization of what I said sunk in for him. For my first real breakup, I thought I did good. Until his entire body tensed and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

His eyes, which once looked at me with such gentleness, had become cold and distant. Like all of the walls that I brought down had come up again. His jaw clenched as he nodded though still not saying anything.