Solitude -> The Walking Dead

52

"You should eat something."

I jumped at the sound of his voice. Daryl lowered himself on the ground next to me. We made camp for the night and I volunteered to hold watch. I couldn't sleep either way.

I glanced at Daryl. "Did you eat?"

He didn't have to answer that. We both knew he didn't. Our food supply was almost nonexistent. Carol was able to snatch enough baby formula from Terminus for the twins but any other food just wasn't there.

No home, no supplies, just the road. Again.

"I'm glad you're alive." I spoke up.

That sentence was a huge understatement. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, that I thought he had died just like my brother. And that just thinking of it made me want to die.

But I couldn't say any of that. I could never say it to him ever again. Even if I wasn't with Rick now. He had given me his heart and I crushed it in the name of family. Only for it to not even matter.

"I'm glad you're alive, too." he replied.

A hint of a smile formed on his face as he looked at me. It took me by surprise. It's been so long since he'd looked at me in that way. Or any way, really. But there was a softness there now that I had lost the privilege of having.

The feelings stirring inside me made me get up. "I'm gonna go check on the group."

He nodded as I walked past him. Upon seeing me leave my post, Carol got up from her spot at the camp and replaced me. I was grateful for it. I don't think I can be in the same space as Daryl right now.

No matter how much I might want to.

I settled down next to Abby who was sharpening her knife. It was the same one that I got for her a long time ago. I didn't think she'd keep it for this long.

"Don't you want to get some sleep? It's a long day tomorrow." I said.

She didn't even flinch as she continued sharpening her knife. Every now and then she'd stop to inspect it. As if though it was the most important task at the moment.

"Did you put him down?"

It took me a second to realize who she was referring to. Ryan. My eyes closed as I gathered my strength to talk about it. Abby was with him before it happened, but it never occurred to me that she didn't know about it.

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Michonne did."

Her hands stilled for a moment before she continued doing what she was doing. I noticed the way her chest went up and down. She was trying not to cry. The sight made my eyes fill with tears.

We never did get to talk about it. Three sisters with no time to mourn their dead brother. I didn't want to talk about it and neither did Abby. Dakota busied herself with the twins so she'd avoid thinking about it.

From what I gathered, Glenn was the one to break it to her about Ryan's death. When he escaped the prison, he saw his body and tried to get to it. But there were too many walkers so he couldn't.

Ryan would never have a grave.

"We can't dwell on it, Abby," I mumbled as I laid down on the ground.

She nodded before copying my actions. Under any other circumstances, her behavior would've concerned me. It was unlike her to shut down in any way. Arguably, she was the most sane member of the Malloy family.

But thinking about it would force me to face my own demons. And that's not a fight I'd win. Not now.

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