bruises (yoongi)

part 15

As your eyes opened sluggishly, you felt your head bang with pain, making you groan.
You tried to sit up but felt there were arms constricting your body. "Is this a nightmare?" You wondered.
You tried to push them away but then you heard Yoongi's voice mumble deeply "morning."
Your eyes widened as everything came back to you. Oh god, what have you done?!
Your breathing became more rapid as you sat up, pushing Yoongi's arms away.
You stood up and looked around, taking in the situation
Yoongi groaned, his eyes closed as his arms searched for you next to him. When he didn't find you, his eyes peeled open and he looked confused
"(Y/n)?"
You said, "I'm just going to the loo," fleetingly and when he nodded, his eyes closed again and his head hit the pillow.
You ran into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat, trying to keep your cool. You felt like you had ruined everything you had with Yoongi, your friendship now made complicated.
For Yoongi, this was probably just a friends with benefits type situation, but it meant a lot to you. Yoongi felt like a soulmate for you, but he probably saw differently.
"But what if he really does like you?" You asked yourself. You shook your head as you felt the tears brim to the surface. "I'm not worth it." You whisper aloud.
You stand up and look into the mirror and mutter it again and again over your breath. "I'm not worth it, I'm not worth it," but quickly it changed from "it" to "him."
"I'm not worth him," you muttered. And then you made your decision, you had to leave.
You walked through Yoongi's bedroom as quietly as possible, tiptoeing as you went.
You went to the living room and started shoving everything you had into your suitcase that you had retrieved from your old apartment.
As you did so, the tears kept falling. You were having a full blown panic attack in your own head as you 'catastrophised' the situation in your own head
When you had shoved all your stuff into the suitcase, you changed into the clothes you had been wearing yesterday and put your pyjamas away too.
You were ready to leave now but thought you couldn't leave Yoongi without writing a note.
You grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a long note, accidentally letting a tear fall onto the page.
You sniffled as you signed it, putting the pen lid back on and sighing.
But as you sighed you heard behind you, "(Y/N)? What's wrong?" He sounded so tired but so concerned at the same time that it made it so much harder to tell him what you were about to do.
You turned around and saw him in his plaid pyjamas with messy hair and your heart burst with pain.
"Ummm...." you started, about to explain but your voice was shaky and you couldn't get the words out.
"Oh (Y/N), what's happened?" He walked over and tried to pull you into a hug but you moved away, taking Yoongi by surprise.
You wiped your tears and then shakily muttered out, "I'm going to stay at my mum's place for a few days."
Yoongi's face contorted to one of shock, "wait...what?"
"I know it's sudden I just need space.." you tried to explain.
"Space...from me?" He asked, putting two and two together. You didn't reply and instead looked down at your feet.
"Wait, (Y/N) I'm so sorry if I did something wrong, I really didn't mean to. I knew I shouldn't have said anything yesterday," he scolded himself, hitting his face with his palm.
"No yoongi, you haven't done anything wrong I just...I can't do this and you're my best friend and I shouldn't have feelings for you."
His eyebrows furrowed, "why not?"
"Because it's...it's complicated." He opened his mouth to answer back but you walked away, saying, "I need to go to my mum's, I can't do this to yo-"
He held onto your arm and said, "(Y/N) please don't leave, why don't we go for a walk and talk about all this, you don't need to go."
You looked him in the eyes as he tried to show you concern but you looked away before they broke you as you muttered, "please."
He let go of you as you said that and you went into the living room grabbing your suitcase.
You came back into the kitchen and saw him stood still in the same position as he was before and he muttered, "(Y/N), think about this for a minute, please please don't leave," his voice was faltering now as you stopped.
You tapped your pockets and muttered, "my phone" as you searched around for it.
You couldn't find it for a minute so you said, "Yoongi can you see my phone anywhere?"
"Please don't go, I'm worried about you (Y/N),"
You look him in the eyes again and ask, "have you hidden my phone?"
His eyebrows furrowed, "what?! No!"
"Then help me look for it!" You exclaimed.
He looked hurt as he walked away and you kept looking on every surface. He returned holding his phone as he called it and you both tried to listen out for it.
You heard the ringing coming from Yoongi's room and you went to find it.
It was in the loo from when you had first woken up this morning so you grabbed it and went to put it in your handbag.
You put your handbag on your shoulder and prepared to leave, but Yoongi's voice stopped you.
"How long are you going for?"
You sighed and turned to look at him. "I don't know," you whispered, shakily.
His face crumpled as he looked at the ground. "What about work today?" He asked sadly.
Tears filled your eyes, "I'll call and let them know I can work from home today."
He nodded, avoiding eye contact. It was quiet and you were going to turn to leave but you he spoke again.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
You shook your head, "no, I'm sorry for leaving but I just can't..." your breathing got more rapid.
"Did I hurt you last night? I know I got a little overexcited but I've just had these feelings for a while.."
"No, that was fine. I just need time to...think. It's not you it's me."
He scoffed at the cliche.
"I'll get the train to my mum's," you explained as you picked up your suitcase.
"Can I have a hug before you go?"
You smiled at him and nodded as he came over to you. He put his arms round you and you couldn't hold back the river of tears as you cried into him.
He held you in place until you backed away and wiped your tears again.
You headed for the door that Yoongi opened for you.
"Text me when you get there," he said as you went through the door.
You smiled at his kind thought but then said, "oh and Yoongi..um," you sniffled again, "do me a favour and wait about an hour before you read my letter."
"Letter?" He asked confusedly.
"On the kitchen table, you'll know when you see it."
And with that you walked away from one of the most important people in your life.
A nice lady asked if you were okay on the train to your mum's, because you cried the entire way there.
You told the lady everything was fine, except it wasn't. You had just pushed away the only person that cared. And you didn't know how he could ever forgive you.