bruises (yoongi)

part 18

"I should explain," you started, bravely. Yoongi looked at you, turning his body to you and looking as though he was concentrating.
"So..." you hesitated. "I don't really know where to start."
"Why don't I ask questions...that way...we're not going around in circles." You nodded. "I need to know...do you actually like me? Or is it simply platonic."
You looked him in the eyes in disbelief and you help his eye contact for the longest you had in a while. "Yoongi, you think I don't like you?"
"Well I've been going around and around in my head and it's one conclusion I've come to, yes."
You shook your head, "Oh Yoongi, I'm sorry I let you think that. Of course I like you. I've liked you for a while now. You're...Min Yoongi."
He shook his head and then stopped, "Oh yeah, that reminds me. You wrote that in your letter, 'you're Min Yoongi'," he muttered. "What do you mean by that? Why is that a reason to leave?"
You inhaled slowly and then exhaled. "You're...you. And...-"
"If you dare say I'm me I'm going to explode," he interrupted.
You laughed, "how did you know that's what I was going to say?"
He groaned, "ah (Y/N), you're so mistaken, why is that a reason not to try things between us!! You....you're perfect," His voice got quieter as he whispered that.
You inhaled shakily, "I'm really not. I'm..difficult. You would be settling for me and I cannot do that to you. You deserve someone...fantastic," your voice broke on that word. "And I know for a fact that I am hard to be with."
He frowned and took your hands, "(Y/N), are you basing this off of your past experience? Because, honestly, it's not very reliable."
Tears were streaming down your cheeks now as you cried, "But how? How can it be such a coincidence that both of the guys I've ever loved have turned into horrible people while they were with me? It must be me, I am the only common denominator. I'm such a burden that I change people. I even heard Tai on the phone to Lina today, and he's back to being a normal person now I'm out of the picture, that's not coincidence."
He looked at you in disbelief, "Oh, (Y/N,)," his hand came up to wipe your tears. "How could you think that? You're so caring and loving and all you ever do is look after the people around you, making them feel at home. You're not some monster. I promise." He looked at you softly.
You breathed shakily and then muttered, "But I don't want to do it to you too. I can't do this to you. You're too important to me," you cried out.
He smiled, "(Y/N), your first boyfriend and Tai, they were both horrible people. Not only did they give you physical bruises, your heart is bruised too. Nothing they ever did was your fault, you can't blame yourself." He paused before saying, "this isn't even about me anymore. You need to talk to someone, someone who knows what kind of emotional bruises you have because as much as I can try, I don't know the first thing about how brains work. But you have to stop torturing yourself."
You nodded, wiping your tears again with your one free hand as Yoongi held your other.
You chuckled, "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess."
He chuckled along with you too, "It's what I'm here for."
A more comfortable quiet started but you didn't let it.
"Yoongi?" He hummed in response. "I'm so so sorry."
He chuckled, "for what silly?"
"I walked out on you. Twice. And I was so horrid about it, your poor face is burned into my memory," you said as you scrunched your eyes closed, being reminded of it.
"(Y/N), stop. Stop apologising, it's okay. Yeah it kind of hurt, but mostly because I was worried about you." You smiled at him for being so incredibly sweet. "I should apologise too."
You looked at him, confused, "Wait, for what?!"
"I kind of rushed things that night...the night I confessed. I feel like maybe I pushed you too much and that wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry."
You laughed and he looked at you, now he was confused. "Hey, why're you laughing?!"
"Because," you explained, "I was the one that kisses you first dummy."
He laughed then said, "Oh yeah. Still."
You both laughed a little more and then calmed down. "I've missed this," you sighed.
"Me too," he said, smiling whilst fiddling with his fingers.
It was quiet again for a couple of minutes whilst you both enjoyed the company you had so badly craved.
"Well, I should probably get going, don't want to miss the last train," you said, reaching for the door handle.
As you pulled it, you were about to say your goodbyes before Yoongi put his hand over yours that was closest to him. "Wait, don't go." You froze. "I just got you back. Why don't you come back to mine for a little, we can just get a takeaway and watch a movie or something, anything. There's obviously no expectation, just please don't make me go back to my flat alone."
He looked so soft as he begged you to stay. You smiled and said, "Alright."