𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞; byler

Chapter 1- Will

THE THING WILL REMEMBERED most about his early childhood was pain.
To be exact, three different kinds of pain:

There was the pain of his dad's hand slamming hard against his cheek, the pain of rough walls hitting his back from different angles as he curled back in defense.
There was the pain of waking up on the floor, some part of his body burning with pain, with only the vaguest idea how he had ended up there.

 This pain was the physical pain, and ridiculous as it seemed, it was the easiest to endure.
 Physical pain hurt for a few days, a week or two tops, and then it stopped. Which brings us to the second kind of pain:

The pain of his dad's mouth, stinking of alcohol and cheese on his ear, each word that left his mouth more painful then the last.
Some words he knew, some words he didn't; but each and every one came back while he was lying in his bed, bouncing in his head over and over and over until he felt dizzy. 

This was the pain of knowing he was a disappointment to his own father, that he was too soft for a boy, too vulnerable, a "fag".
 This pain was harder, as it lingered with him for weeks, months, years, weighing him down until sometimes he felt like he couldn't even breathe.

The third pain was the worst.

 It was the pain of lying in bed at night, shaking in the dark, as he heard his parents' voices shouting at each other, barely muffled by the closed doors. 

The sounds of objects clattering and shattering, of his mom screaming. 

voices that couldn't be muffled even when he put his blanket over his head and hummed a song as loudly as he could.

It was the pain of seeing his mother with a black eye, or his older brother Jonathan with a cast on his arm, usually followed by days of complete silence from the whole family. 

It was the pain of feeling helpless, of not being able to protect his loved ones.
It was the pain of feeling afraid, not knowing when his father would come back stinking of alcohol again,  when he would snap.
 knowing even his mom, the woman he loved most, the strongest woman he knew, couldn't protect him.
This pain never really left. It stayed in his stomach even to this day. 

All this pain was caused by Lonnie, his father. But the worst part ? 

the worst part was how he always thought it was going to end. 

He thought someday he would toughen up enough for his dad to really love him, that one day he'd stop hurting them. 

But it never happened. not until one day, after hearing his mom and dad fight again, the front door slammed shut. 

And just like that, his father was gone.

And from then on everything changed. Because the thing he remembered most wasn't getting used to living with only his mom and brother, the slow return of laughter and love to his home. It wasn't his mom taking on another job when child support checks mysteriously stopped coming. the thing he remembered most wasn't a thing.

It was him.

It was Mike.