𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞; byler

Chapter 10- Will

from this part on- trigger warning!! Self harm

WILL RAN INTO his house, struggling to lock the door behind him. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, and when the keys fell from his hands he couldn't pick them up.

"Mom?" he called out into the dark house, but to no avail. his voice echoed back to him from the empty house.

                                                                                                ✴ ⁕ ✴ ⁕ ✴

In the beginning after his dad left, his mom was always there for anything...

Everyday she'd have breakfest with him, she'd be there when he got back from school.

On the weekends they'd go to the beach, or the park. 

They got to be the family they never had been when his dad was there.

 but now, maybe since he was older or maybe because she had Bob, Will barely saw his mom.

 He had never noticed how many hours he spent alone in the house, because he always had Mike to keep him company. 

Tonight he was painfully aware of the quiet. Jonathan was off in NYU, the person he trusted most... his mom was probably having dinner with Bob, she hadn't known he's be home so early... he had no one.

This realization struck him so hard, he fell on his knees right in the kitchen. 

Jonathan was in college. his dad was who knows where. His mom had Bob. And Mike had Jane. Who did Will have? who cared about Will?

he was nothing more then a little fairy-boy, like everyone had been saying since he could remember.  His dad, and then the generations of bullies. At first Troy and James, now a whole new group that targeted Will and Will only. He was a pussy, who could love an ugly freak like him?

He felt like he hadn't felt in a long time, the words hitting him from all directions... Mike didn't love him... he didn't love him... Will desperately needed a distraction. 

He stumbled up, opening the kitchen cabinets without knowing what he was looking for... He saw a bottle of wine in one of them, that would do the job- but Will didn't think he could ever drink alcohol, not after his dad. 

The smell made his stomach turn, bringing back another load of terrible memories. His dad never loved him, Mike doesn't love him, Jonathan probably didn't love him wither, maybe that's why he chose such a far away college...

blinded by these thoughts, Will opened a drawer aimlessly.

 it was the utensil drawer. that's when another childhood memory hit.

 Will took a knife and ran to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. he collapsed on the floor, holding the knife in front of him. He thought about how the physical pain was always easier then the other pains, maybe if he had some of that the other pains would go away... and so without thinking he peeled his shirt back and sliced his arm with the knife, and the pain made him momentarily forget. He thought of Mike's face the last time they had kissed, he thought about how handsome he had been when he told Will he had loved him...

He thought about how it was all a lie.