~First update November 3d 2019~
For a long time I've been trapped inside hospitals and locked away from the world.
For a long time I've lived imprisoned by my own body and the cancerous cells inside it.
My time is coming to an end. I know it. It is...
*I love that song. I suggest you listen to it while reading this chapter*
"Hey bean! I brought you something" Jullian says smiling as he enters the room carrying the most colorful knit blanket you'll ever see. It was given to me by a young woman who would visit the hospital every year giving knit hats and blankets she had made to all the kids with cancer. She was very lovely!
It's been two days since my brother last visited. He has a lot in his head lately. He is captain of his school's football team and spends a lot of time training because he doesn't want to let anybody down.
"Hey Julles"! I greet without raising my head from my pillow. My eyes stay focused on the screen of my psp until my brother comes and plops down on the bed by me and hugs me. ''What happened to you"? I ask and turn the game off noticing how Jullians right eye is bruised and his lip busted.
"I got in a fight". He shrugs and I shake my head. "Why"? I ask but he refuses to answer. "Jullian. Why did you get in a fight"? I ask again,more demandingly this time.
"Some dude was trashtalking about the class nerd and I asked him to stop." He shrugs while continuing . "He didn't listen''. Typical Julian, always the gentleman defending a damsel in distress.
"Did you at least break his nose before he punched you"? I ask and his face immediatly lights up with a smile. "You bet I did". He says and I wink at him as our mom walks in the room.
"How are you honey"? She seems relaxed and not on edge. I almost pinch myself to make sure I'm awake.
"I'm good. Chemo starts tommorrow so I'm mentally preparing for a round of meaningless torture" i say and she nods once, sharply. She doesn't say anything.
Something is not right. I look over at Jullian but he seems as clueless as me.
"I spoke with your doctor." And there it is! I fall back on my pillow and look at her questioningly waiting for her to continue.
"He said there is a 70% chance the treatment will do nothing for you". She says as she sits on the armchair oposite to my bed. I am getting super confused. I know all that, so what is the big deal.
"I said we will go through with it anyway, if you want to". She drops the bomb and then leans back on her chair.
I am speechless. If I want? Since when does she ask me about what to do with my life?
"Mom, are you feeling alright"? I ask worried and she nods, her eyes focused on mine. "I...I...." i can't say anything else.
She raises a brow with the cockiest look on her face. She knows I didn't expect that.
"What did Dad say"? I ask after a bit and she frowns. ''I haven't been able to speak with your father in the past week dear. He is always working late and leaves the house before I wake up''. She sounds tired. That doesn't sound like dad. He always had time for mom. No matter what.
All I say is ''Oh..''. and I look down to my hands on my lap. One of Jullian's large hands finds my own and squeezes lightly.
''Mom''. I start and look up at her ''I don't want to do the treatment. Trust me when I say I wish there was something that could help me and give me more time with you guys but I understand that there isn't yet. Maybe...it's time you do too''. I bite my bottom lip hard waiting for her reaction.
The woman looks up at me with tears in her eyes and then breaks in a sob. Instantly, my own eyes start to pour too and I stand up ignoring the pain and fall to my knees in front of the woman who raised me and gave her life away to care for me. ''Mom...mommy please don't cry''. I whimper and hug her waist. She wraps her arms around me and sobs in my hair and soon after Jullian joins us, hugging the both of us.
We stay like that for a long time.
I hold on to both of them as tight as ever, pressing their bodies against mine trying to feel them close to me through all the pain, tears and sobbing.
My strong, strong mother and my brave, brave kid brother. They have both gone through so much for my sake. They both never left my side and were always there when I needed them. They made my problems their own and carried my burdens as their own, making my mess theirs.
The tears keep running down our cheeks for what feels like ages but I do not try to stop them. It was time we cried. About time we let go of the lies that we held on to so tightly.
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☆The song I chose for this chapter is one of my favorites currently. Please let me know how you feel about me putting songs in more chapters. Do you guys even listen to them while reading or at all?
