Elena's POV
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I can't get enough blood. No matter how much I drink, I just want more. There is a pit that cannot be filled that I've never seen any vampire experience before. At some point, you feel quenched eventually and can go for days without feeding on any sort of blood. But me, that's not the case. Damon has been by my side throughout the entire thing, I know he is insanely worried about me, but acts as if everything is okay. But that's Damon. He tries to hide his feelings, but I know him all too well for him to really get away with it.
We sit beside Bonnie, who thankfully has woken up.
"I have looked through 5 journals already, that my ancestors past down, and I can't find anything that connects with what's going on with you. You are being controlled by something, but I just can't think of for the life of me what that is." She says, skeptically.
I nod, listening to every word, discouraged that we haven't figured out anything. I am so sick of these blackouts. They are making me paranoid, and I am finding myself losing complete aspect of what is real and what is not.
She continues, "I have correlated that whatever happened to you when you woke up in the old shack outsdie the quarter, is what's causing this. I need you to tell me exactly what you remember."
I studder, taken aback: "I remember waking up with bodies surrounding me... I remember it. I shake at the thought of it's gaze locked onto mine. I remember when I lifted my shirt after I felt a sharp pain on the surface of my skin to find these really long scratch like marks across the side of my back."
I pause, nervous to continue: "There is something I haven't told anyone, when I woke up I remember this very odd taste of blood in my mouth. It wasn't human blood, and I reacted badly to it. Not just my sense of taste, but my body reacted badly to it. Things became foggy then, and that's when I first started zoning out more, but not blacking out and seeing things. But I could tell something was wrong. Because after I drank from that human with Klaus, it wasn't just about blood lust anymore... I had a darkness come over me, and a desire to kill.... rip the throats out of humans and listen to their misery.. all of it. That's when I started having gruesome visions and thoughts...... I just haven't wanted to tell anyone, but I know that it's important that we all know, to try and figure out what is going on..."
I look down ashamed.
Damon pulls my face towards him, "Look, Elena. We are going to figure this out. You have to trust us, and we will help you through this. But from now on, you can't keep anything from us. You have to tell us everything. Because without knowing, we will never figure this out. And I need you back, Elena. Because as hard as this is for you, it's just as hard for me.... not just emotionally, but mentally......."
His thought trails off, as if he doesn't want to tell me the rest.
"What do you mean, Damon?" I ask, curious.
He looks over at Bonnie, who is looking at him with a very serious expression.
He acknowledges her and says, " I know, I shouldn't be telling her this, but if she's being honest with us, we need to be honest with her."
He takes my hand, and vamps speeds us out into the back courtyard. There is a beautiful waterfall flowing from the storm the night before. Petals from the trees blossoming are falling all around us, and it's as if we have just stepped into a romantic novel. Where everything seems to be perfect, and it's just us enjoying our lives and not having a care in the world..... But suddenly, the petals seem to turn black and wither and I start to feel a saddness consume me, much like I feel at night when everything is quiet and I am left with my thoughts.. I start to zone out a little, but focus on Damon's face to try and center me..
He turns and takes my hands in his.....
"What I was starting to say is, this is just as difficult for me.. but on a different level. You know me, Elena. You know how I can be, and my history. You know that you are the light in my life, and without it all there is, is darkness. But with everything that has been going on.. I want nothing more right now, than to share the experience with you.... the blood lust, the feeling you get when you drain a helpless human of blood... and as morbid as that sounds, it's in our nature. We are vampires. It's how our genetic compass work. For me, it's natural. It's a rush, an euphoric feeling. And it's something I would kill to feel with you becasue I know you feel the same thing, but I know that's not the kind of influence you need, you are struggling enough... and if I joined you in that darkness, we would both be lost.... and so it's just as important to me as it is to you, to get you back to the real Elena...."
I gaze back at him... amazed at his strength. A silence falls over us, because there are no words that need to be spoken. Everything has been said, and so we sit under a tree of cascading petals falling all around us and enjoy a little bit of "normal" for once... because we both know........ that normal is not what is in store for us....
or for any of us...
