I will kill you first - Hanazo (mlbb)

Part 25

I couldn't sleep. Even after the drinks. I knew it's stupid to think about her... to be concerned about her. But I was not sure if she was okay if she was safe and this was kind of driving me insane to the point where I wanted to get out in the middle of the night and search through the forest for her. I guess it will be a smart idea to go to the town. If she went there people might've seen her and if I ask maybe someone can tell me that she really went there... that she went to some tavern and was safe and sound.

This only made me mad at myself. But even if I wanted to hit myself in the face I got dressed minutes after dawn and walked out of the door. Just a fast check...and I needed food. It was not about.... Her.

I sighed. She was here. Sleeping in front of the door outside. I was so mad. Mostly at myself for not letting her in when I clearly knew she was there for a long time. But....I never thought she would fall asleep. The sound of the door woke her up and for a second she looked confused. Running away. I thought about just shutting the door again. She blinked once... twice and jumped on her feet way too quick. I made a step back and tried to close the door.

"Go away"

"Let's talk!" she said in the same time as I told her to get the hell out of my home... She knocked on the door once. "I am so confused!" she said and to be honest...I was also confused. I was sure Hanabi was waiting for me to say something but I stayed quiet behind the closed door. I heard her sigh. "You can't just kiss someone and then tell them to leave! What's wrong with you!?" she sounded mad. Another knock on the door and she tried to open it. Locked. I was not going to listen to this. "Just... talk to me.... Please..." I turned around and decided I needed breakfast. She should get over her stubbornness soon. "Hey! I can hear you walking away! Just..." she stopped talking for a second. "Okay...I am done...I am sick of this..." I waited. Silence. I went back to the door and opened it. She was not there. I closed the door and the second I heard the noise I already knew. I turned around and she was standing in front of me with an angry expression. She spent a little too long on the house and apparently was well aware that the windows were not closing well.

She walked toward the other door and stood there like a guard. Like she knew  I could try to run in the other room...

"Why are you still here, Hanabi? I told you to go..." I sighed. She shook her head.

"No, first I want my answers and then I will go and you will never see me again if that's what you want so desperately." Another sigh. "Why you didn't kill me? Why you kissed me? And then you told me to go? Do you know how confusing all of this is?" I opened my mouth and closed it again. "Tell me why..." her face was all red and she looked mad but also a little embarrassed.

"What does it matter? You should be happy that I left you alive." She was silent for a second and then she relaxed a little bit. Took a breath in and started talking.

"Okay... it doesn't matter I get it." the tone of her voice was weird. I haven't heard her sound like this. "And since you want me to go I will... just give me a few minutes." I nodded "Here the thing. I was really ignorant and had no idea what I felt when I had my feelings for Haya. I... was not going to kill you. If I was the winner we would've been in the same position. Both of us alive... I... think...know... I just...kind of got used to being with you. Talking with you..." I tried to tell her to stop and just go. "No, please listen, you can let me leave afterwards... heck, you can even kill me if you want and all the things I say change your mind about leaving me alive. But this time I will not make the same dumb thing of just running away." She was confused, for sure. I was sure she was out of her mind and had no idea what she was talking about. "I have feelings for you. That's all I wanted to say. When you kissed me It was confusing since I thought you looked at me like I was... just another enemy." Her hands were shaky even when she tried to keep them steady. All of her words were repeating in my mind but I was not sure if this was the reality. I might as well be dreaming again.