Abandoned

Chapter Eight

I looked at the clock on the wall. 12:00 a. m.

I think I had dozed off a few times, but most of the time I was thinking. Thinking about Clarissa. And myself. If there's ever going to be an 'us'. Kenzie. That guy with Kenzie. The dog at the park. My empty fridge. My bruise. The shooter who shot Clarissa.

I sighed. I stood up, looked at Clarissa, then walked out of her room, down the hall, back out to my motorcycle.

I drove to my apartment. I took off my shirt then sat down on my bed.

Falling. Free falling. Free falling into nothing. That was my dream. I had nothing to help me and it felt like I had nothing to live for. Then just I about let myself go, Clarissa comes falling above me, radiating light. She grabs my hand and pulls me back up to safety. I ask her a simple question but she smiles a sweet smile as an answer. Then she flew back up to the clouds.

I open my eyes. My room stares back at me. Except the ceiling seems farther away than usual. Then I realize I'm on the floor. I sit up. I'm on one side of my bed, on the floor, and my blankets are on the other.

My phone starts ringing. I scramble to find it because I fell asleep with my jeans on and my phone was in my pocket and fell out.

I find it in my blankets. I pick it up and answer.

"Hello," I croak.

"Zach?"

"Aunt J?"

"Yeah. Um, are you coming to work today? You don't have to but we could really use you."

"What time is it?" I ask.

"9:20," she tells me.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I slept in. I'll be there in ten."

"Okay, bye," she says then hangs up.

I hung up, too.

I get off my bed and take a look at myself in my mirror. My hair is a mess. My bruise is still there. And I have a little cut and the corner if my left eyebrow.

I run my fingers through my hair and pull a shirt on. I walk out the door and out to my motorcycle.

I know I should eat but I'm not hungry so I just head to the florists. At the nearest florists, I order a balloon and a half dozen red roses.

After I do that, I head to the coffee shop. I start working, again no one really bothers me.

I act happy. I fake a smile, but inside, I feel like I'm dying. No one really sees that I'm unhappy. They don't see the hurt. They can't see past my smile. All I really think about is Clarissa. Her smile, her eyes, everything. I day-dream about there being an 'us'.

After the lunch rush hour, I go to the florists and pick up the balloon and roses then take them to the back of the shop. Then I get back to work.

Later that day, a few minutes before Jessica usually left, she started talking to me.

"How are you today, Zach?" she asked.

"Fine," I replied.

She studied me for a second then asked,"when was the last time you ate?"

I thought about it.

I shrugged. "Two days?"

She glared at me. "Zach! You need to eat. Why haven't you?"

I shrugged. "I don't have any food."

She looked at me with concern,"why didn't you tell me? And you could've ate here."

"I'm sorry," I sighed.

She gave me a hug then got me a hamburger, some fries and a drink. I ate then got to work.

At the end of the day, after cleaning and locking up, I get the ballon and roses and take them to the hospital.

Again, I park at the emergency doors and try not to see if the stupid, gullible lady is there. I walk into Clarissa's room. I tie the ballon to the leg of a small nightstand and set the roses on top. I sit down in the chair, that hadn't moved.

Looking at Clarissa, I think of my dream and I wonder if she is having a dream. I reach out to her hand. As soon as I touch it, she kind of shrugs and slightly turns her head towards me. I think nothing of it and embrace her hand in both of mine.

Suddenly, lights flash on. I open my eyes, thinking something is wrong. The doctor is next to Clarissa's bed checking a few things off a checklist in his hands.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he said.

I shook my head. "No just closed my eyes to think for a second." I said.

"It's Zach right?"

I nodded.

"Have you been here all night?"

I knit my eyebrows together. "What time is it?"

"7:00 a.m."

I look around in surprise. One, I fell asleep here. And two, I didn't have a dream.

"Yeah, I guess so," I said.

He chuckled and left the room.

I stayed there for another hour then drove to my apartment. When I got there, I plugged my phone in to charge then hopped in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, I was wearing a clean shirt and pants. I put my socks and shoes on then headed to Lou's Coffee. I walked in. Jessica looked up at me and gave me a warm smile. I faked a small smile in return then got to work.

I worked as hard as I do everyday, serving customers, cleaning up after people and everything else that needs to be done.

Aunt J kept asking if I was okay and if I don't want to be here, I don't have to. But I always kept telling her I was fine.

10:40 came around, and again I was alone, cleaning up.

This was my least favorite part if the day for the last few days, because this is when Clarissa and I was alone.

I missed her. I missed her smile. I missed everything about her. Especially her having a good time with me.

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