It's Always Been You

Trouble In Paradise

"Hey, you." I greeted Nate with a warm smile as I opened my dorm room door. He was picking me up so we could head to one of the frat parties together, just like old times. "You clean up pretty well, mister."

Nate offered me a small, tight-lipped smile in return as he stepped inside. He leaned down to press a quick peck against my cheek, his lips barely grazing my skin before he pulled back. "Hi," he mumbled, his eyes giving me a brief once-over before shifting away. "Ready to go?"

I felt my shoulders slump ever so slightly as I nodded, trying not to let my disappointment show as I followed him back out into the hallway.

I'm not someone who ever asks for much, but it had been quite a while since Nate and I had really spent quality time together outside of classes and studying. In anticipation of our night out, I'd put in some extra effort with my appearance-carefully curling my hair, applying a subtle yet flattering smoky eye look, and throwing on a cute little black dress that hugged my curves.

Just some simple things to look and feel my best. Being in a hopeful mood always made me want to put in that little bit of extra effort.

But how much was it really to expect a compliment or two from your boyfriend when you dolled yourself up more than usual? Clearly, it was too much to ask of Nate lately, his eyes skimming over me with seeming indifference.

I told myself it didn't really bother me. That it was just a minor, fleeting disappointment not worth dwelling on. We were going to a party together, after all - we'd have fun, drink, dance, and it would be like our old selves again.

But that niggling sense of being taken for granted still stung, no matter how much I tried to brush it off.

The car ride to the frat house was short but thick with uncomfortable silence, at least to me.

Nate kept his eyes focused on the road ahead, tapping his fingers restlessly against the steering wheel in time with the muted music playing softly through the speakers.

I couldn't help stealing sidelong glances at him, studying the hard set of his jaw and furrowed brow. He seemed...distant. Preoccupied. Like his mind was anywhere but in that car with me.

I sighed inwardly, a lead weight settling in my stomach.

This was becoming too frequent of an occurrence - Nate not being fully present, not making me feel special or prioritized. Hell, most days I felt like an afterthought, lucky if I even crossed his mind at all outside of our scheduled hangouts.

Things had been off between us for weeks now, maybe even months if I'm being honest with myself. That bright, exhilarating spark of love and infatuation had slowly fizzled and dimmed without me even realizing.

Was this just how relationships faded and settled over time?

Maybe it was normal. Maybe you get so accustomed to a routine, too caught up in the comfort you have with one another that things could no longer feel as exciting as the initial chase of it all.

I wanted to believe there was more, that the novelity could be rekindled if we just made the effort. But Nate didn't seem to notice or care about the growing distance, and I didn't know how to convey my feelings without sounding needy or irrational.

Maybe the sad truth was that we'd drifted apart into two people who didn't quite fit together anymore - at least not like we used to.

Swallowing hard against the lump burning in my throat, I turned my gaze out the window to watch the campus scenery pass by in a blur.

I couldn't keep deluding myself. Nate and I both deserved better than to stay stuck in this holding pattern of complacent comfortability.

"Do you think you're going to sleep over at the frat or head back to your dorm after the party is over?" I asked, trying to make casual small talk as Nate drove.