It's Always Been You

Already Found Her

I didn't know how long I had been staring out the window but I couldn't do anything to pull myself back into reality.

My mind was spinning as I stared at the starry night sky. My thoughts were racing with questions about Wes and Summer, whether they hit it off, if he liked her, if he'll ask her out.

I hated thinking about it but nothing I did to distract myself was working.

I was in pure agony. It was torture. It was hell.

I want to say I'm overreacting but honestly, feelings hurt and feelings suck.

It just hurts to know that he doesn't see me the way I see him. It hurts that I can't have him. It hurts that I'm going to eventually see him be with someone else.

I wish I could forget all about these stupid feelings I have for Wes but unfortunately, you cannot pick and chose who you fall for or when.

I felt pathetic and lousy and like a sad, bummy little shit, more than I ever had before.

"Heartbreak and love - total bitch, I know," Michelle tried to keep her tone teasing, to lighten the mood. "But please do not go catatonic."

I heaved out a deep breath before turning to look at her. "I will allow myself to wallow in self pity and misery for the rest of the night. Tomorrow night we will get drunk out of our sane minds."

Michelle beamed a smile as she eagerly nodded her head. "I can support that plan. But seriously, are you okay?"

I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I just feel really sad, Elle. I don't want to be but I just am. It's silly, I'll get over it."

Michelle squeezed my shoulder softly. "I know you will. But hey, you're doing a lot better than I was when Connor Reid asked Tracy to prom instead of me."

I couldn't help but laugh, the memory replaying in my mind. "That was The Notebook type of heartbreak you went through."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "And looking back at it, it was silly. In the moment it feels like the world is ending but when you finally get over it and look back at it, it's just another event that matures you."

I smiled softly. "We really have grown up, haven't we?"

Michelle grinned, nodding her head slowly. "Totally. We're no longer fifteen and pining over the football captain and quarterback." Michelle paused for a moment, coming to sit down beside me and taking my hand in hers. She looked at me sincerely. "What you did today with Wes and Summer, it was really brave and mature. You put your wants and feelings aside and helped set him up with the perfect girl while simultaneously allowing yourself to let go of him so you can move on."

I exhaled deeply, leaning my head down on her shoulder. "Growing up kinda sucks, doesn't it?"

"Eh," she teased. "It'd be easier to eat tubs of ice cream while watching sad rom-coms, right?"

I laughed as I lifted my head and looked at her. "You're the best friend a girl could ask for."

She grinned, her nose scrunching as she smiled. "As are you, Fifi."

I sighed as I stood up and walked over to the desk to grab my textbooks. "I am going to study until my brain hurts."

Michelle made a sour face. "I wish I had that much courage. Do you want to order Chinese or pizza tonight?"

"Hmm," I puckered my lips out in thought. "How ab-"

I was cut off when a knock sounded on my door. I assumed it was Chris but the knock was rapid and loud, not stopping for a second.