It's Always Been You

The Final Straw

I could feel the heaviness in the air as I folded some clothes, trying to keep my small dorm room tidy instead of letting the mess enlarge into an overwhelming hassle to clean later. The methodical motions were calming amidst the storm of emotions swirling inside me.

I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Opening it, I was genuinely taken aback to see Nate standing there.

"Hey?"

My eyebrows pulled together in confusion as I wondered what he was doing here, since at this point it was strange for my own boyfriend to randomly come see me with the way he had been distantly acting over the past couple of months.

He hadn't called or texted to let me know he was coming by either, which was no longer normal for him.

Yes, I'm aware of how deeply sad that realization was.

"Hi," Nate mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. I could easily tell he was bothered and uncomfortable about something.

I stepped back to let him into my room, following him as we sat down side-by-side on my neatly made bed. An uneasy silence stretched between us.

"What's up?" I tried to keep my tone casual, but the crease between my eyebrows gave away my concern. "Is everything okay? You didn't tell me you were going to drop by."

Nate nodded his head slowly, like he was carefully considering each word before speaking. "I-I need to talk to you about something." He hesitated to meet my inquisitive gaze.

I looked at him with increasing worry. "Nate, what's wrong? You're starting to scare me here."

Nate paused, sighing deeply as if steeling himself. "Fia-this isn't easy to do-but I have to be honest with you."

Like a lightbulb going off, I suddenly had an inkling of what was coming.

I had known it for a while now. But admitting it was a harder task.

I nodded silently, swallowing hard as I braced myself to allow him to say whatever was on his mind. A sense of dread washed over me.

Nate inhaled a shaky breath before starting. He took my hands in his, and I could feel how clammy they were. "Look-you know you're a really great girl and the past three years we've had together have been so good. But..." He trailed off, averting his eyes. "I just don't think I can do this anymore."

Although I had been anticipating this, hearing those words actually come out of his mouth still felt like a punch to the gut.

"We met when we were still just kids in high school," Nate continued, his voice strained. "And although we've shared so much time and history together, I think it's time we both moved on with our lives... separately."

I blinked rapidly, frozen in place and unsure of how to react. None of this was coming as a complete surprise-I had actually considered ending things myself considering how imbalanced and disconnected we had become.

But actually hearing him voice the breakup made it all suddenly so inescapable.

It hurt more than I could have imagined, like the air was being sucked from my lungs.

Nate licked his lips nervously, clearly struggling to find the right phrasing. "I think-I think we both can see this relationship isn't working anymore. I hate to do this, especially right before the holidays, but there's just no point in dragging it out any longer."

He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something, anything in response. But I could only blink slowly as I processed his words.

"You're-breaking up with me," I finally stated flatly, sounding like Captain Obvious. My tone was dull, my whole body feeling numb.