Ten Reasons to Have Hope

Innocence

Chapter Three

Saturday, December 15th

The First Day

Samuel woke up that morning and sat up, rubbing his eyes. This had been the first time that Samuel had gotten a good nights rest since he ended up on the bridge. He looked around the room at glanced up at the clock above the door. 8 a.m. he read. He lifted his arms and stretched, scratching the back of his neck. He took the time to look around the room once more. There was a lot of blue. Blue furniture, dishes lining the walls, must be antiques, he thought. He was correct, so he found out later. Alan's mother who adopted him when he was a teenager, Carol, had an addiction to antiques, and passed that down to Alan. His brother, Mike, wanted nothing to do with the garage full of ancient glassware that Carol had collected throughout the years. It wasn't until Alan moved out when Joel, his father, made Carol get rid of at least half, and Alan didn't have the heart to turn her away on her offer.Adeline has a tendency to wake up way too early and wake up her dad, so Alan decided to make pancakes and coffee. He also took time between cakes to help Adeline make hot chocolate for herself and Samuel, who she had been told about and was excited to meet him. The conversation was a quick one, mainly just, "hey, there's this man that's going to be here for the next week or so." She was fine with it. If anything, she was very happy about it. Alan knew she didn't quite understand, but that's okay. She's just an innocent little girl, of course she doesn't know about depressive disorders.Samuel wandered into the kitchen to greet them. He was wearing a white tank-top and basketball shorts, something comfortable enough to sleep in, but nothing that would make Samuel feel like he was overdressing for breakfast. Adeline's face lit up when she turned around and saw him, the stranger who will be living with them. She grabbed the maroon mug on the counter and scurried up to him, almost spilling it on the tile floor."Careful!" Alan said, making her jump. She ignored his request. She spilled a little on the floor, but she ignored that like she did most recommendations from her dad."Here!" The grinning girl pushed the hot cocoa in Samuel's hands. "My daddy says he doesn't know if you like coffee or chocolate more. I think chocolate is better." Adeline was smiling like a kid who just did a good deed, just like she always had when she convinced herself that she was making everyone around her smile. She usually was.Samuel smiles and thanks her. He looked at Alan who is wearing a 50's style apron, complete with checkers and cupcakes. Alan was flipping pancakes like he did most mornings that he's woken up by his beaming little girl, who is constantly eager to start the day off right. Samuel sat down next to Adeline who was going on and on about her favorite Saturday Morning Cartoon. He had no idea what she was talking about."I think the pink pony, Cutie Pie, is the best. What do you think?" She looked up at him and her eyes twinkled. She had just gotten out of the shower, her curly black hair plastered on her face, surrounding her bright green eyes."Um..." Samuel paused. Alan glanced over his shoulder and flipped another pancake. "I like.. the uh... The purple one." He laughed awkwardly, wishing that he hadn't been approached by the little girl. He didn't know what he was talking about."Oh!" Adeline got that excited look in her eye. "You mean Twilight!""Yes!" Samuel said. "Twilight... How she umm... Dances...""Dances?" Adeline said, scrunching her face in confusion. She was too young to really be able to pay attention to what expressions she was making. Samuel on the other hand was almost certain that she had figured out that he had never heard of her favorite show, nor did he know the names of the characters."Pancakes, Samuel?" Alan said and Samuel looked down at his hot cocoa with way too many marshmallows. They had began to melt. He wondered how long she had been waiting for him. They looked like one big mound of marshmallow, eating away at the hot cocoa as the hot liquid fought the cold sugary treat."Sure, thank you." Samuel politely took a sip, struggling to restrain from creasing his face at how rich the chocolate was. Must be a dream for a six year old, he thought. It was one of the most rich thing he had ever tasted, but he remained still and nodded at her when she asked him if it was the best hot chocolate he had ever tasted.He dumped it down the sink when Adeline went upstairs and Alan wasn't looking."Daddy, can we go ice skating?" Adeline asked after lunch later that day. For winter, it was a nice day outside. Alan peered out the window and saw that the sun was out. He tried to gauge how warm it was outside. The last thing he needed was for Adeline to get sick right before the Howland Christmas Dinner next week. That's what happened a few years ago and everyone ended up sick. It was awful. She was absolutely destroyed to not be able to go see Grandma and Grandpa. He didn't respond right away, his mind wrapped up in worries about catching the flu, especially since it was so close to Christmas and his brother and his wife have a little baby. Alan couldn't live with himself if little Jasper got sick."Ice skating? There's ice skating in Chicago?" Samuel said, sitting down on the couch next to Samantha, pulling his legs up onto it and crossing them. She was on her phone paying only a little bit of attention to the conversation around her. Samantha was half lying and half sitting straight up wearing buffalo plaid sweatpants and one of her favorite shirts, a pink tie-die Pink Floyd shirts that was cut off at the bottom so it showed a small sliver of her belly. She had only come downstairs right before lunch, probably had slept until around eleven. She was out of school for the holiday season and wanted nothing to do with getting up in the morning."Yeah..." Samantha said, who sneezed, which made Alan worry about the flu for the second time in the last five minutes. "You know, the Bean?"Samuel shook his head and shrugged. "No, I guess I've never been there.""You're telling me," Samantha said, squinting her eyes, "That you've never been to the massive mirror statue that is a staple of Chicago, Illinois? Really? That's like telling someone you live in St. Louis and have never been to the arch." She smiled and laughed through her teeth, flipping her colorful hair off of her shoulder."Oh," Alan pulled out his phone. He swiped through his pictures until he found a picture of Adeline and Samantha from the previous summer next to the big reflective structure, tens of other tourists surrounding them. His girls stuck out like a sore thumb. Adeline being held by her sister with bright purple hair put up into a ponytail, the tourists around them blending in to one another. He handed Samuel the phone and continued talking. "It's at McCormick Tribune Plaza. It's not too far from here.""Can we go, daddy?" Adeline had big puppy eyes. Big, bright green, and sparkly. Her hair matched her eyes perfectly. Curly and black, like emeralds against the night sky. He was so proud to be the one to take her in as his own. He constantly wished he could adopt all of the children in the world who are alone. He was fifteen when his "family" wished him away, which made him wonder what it would be like to never have a relationship, or hell, have any idea who their family even is. Samantha remembers what it was like to be given up. Thankfully, Adeline didn't."I don't see why not." He finally said, looking out the window at the glistening snow. It looked like a sheet of glass reflecting off of the sun into his eyes.Adeline squealed and sprinted upstairs, Samantha quietly followed. Alan sighed and looked at him. "Do you have warm clothes? They usually like to go at it for a few hours." Samuel shrugged."I'll be okay, I might have to borrow a sweatshirt or something." Alan nodded and lead him to his bedroom, pointing at his dresser and leaving the room. Samuel looked around and once again looked at the mass amounts of blue and antique dishes.Though he felt a sort of awkward feeling when he pulled on one of Alan's college sweatshirts, he couldn't help but acknowledge the fantastic scent. It was a mixture of the smell of raspberries and spring rain. It was wonderful. He pulled the sweater up and sniffed it, only to be walked into by the last person that he would want to see after getting a whiff of his sweatshirt."What are you doing?" Alan said, leaning in.Samuel jumped. He didn't know how to respond. How do you tell someone that you were smelling their clothes like a creep? He thought and shrugged. "Smells good, let's go." Samuel walked past Alan. I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, Samuel kept saying in his head, trying to power walk down the hall to avoid any further contact with Alan.Later that afternoon, Alan was buckling Adeline in and she leaned over and buckled in her stuffed duck that she brings everywhere. Alan smiled and said, "Good job sweetheart, keeping ducky safe." Samantha hopped into the car next to her. Adeline grinned at him with her cocky smile. Samuel sat down in the passenger seat of Alan's car and tried to keep a smile on his face. Alan wondered what exactly Samuel had gone through to go to the point of trying to end his life. He had been wondering that since the first time he saw him, but he was too nervous to ask. What if he was still going through it? He had no way of knowing. He had no way of knowing when would be an appropriate time, even, or what the next ten days would bring him.He wondered if he would successfully change Samuel's mind about the world. Samuel hadn't talked to Alan about what happened, why he was there, or even if he was feeling genuinely happier now that he was in their home. He was a literal stranger to Alan and his family, yet something drew him to Samuel. There was something about the mysterious nature of the man that Alan longed to understand."My daddy says you're not happy." Adeline looked at Samuel in confusion. "Why are you smiling?" Alan squeezed his eyes shut and exhaling, wishing she hadn't said anything, wishing he could even slightly control his children. Samantha, avoiding the touchy subject, pressed her white earbuds into her ears. Samuel turned around and grinned at her. "Sometimes, Addie, you just have to fight through things like being sad. It's just an emotion, right?"Adeline nodded. "When you're angry, do you immediately hit ducky?" He continued. Adeline shook her head and giggled. I wonder where he's going with this one, Alan thought, I hope he's good with kids."Well, what do you do if you're angry?" Adeline had to think about it for a second, before her eyes lit up and she had an answer to tell."I talk to my friends about it." She seemed proud to have such a good answer."Oh?" Samuel said. "What kinds of stuff do they say when you're angry?"Addie shrugged again. "They don't say much. They just sit there and listen, I mean, they are just dogs and cats and monkeys and babies and stuff, after all." Oh, that makes more sense, Her stuffed animals, Alan thought. Samuel looked at Alan with a face of a mixture of shock and humor. Alan looked back at him and noticed a different looking glint in Samuel's eyes. Everyone laughed and carried on with conversation.When they arrived at the bean, Alan pulled Adeline's skates out of the trunk, along with his, Samantha's, and an extra pair. He handed his girls their skates and looked at Samuel."What's your shoe size, Sam?""Oh," Samuel shook his head and put his arms up. "I don't skate. I'll sit over there and watch."Alan tilted his head and looked at him, saying sarcastically, "Sure, and we'll have fun without you." Samuel looked over his shoulder and moved his hands as if he was trying to explain to Alan silently that he has some good and bad memories associated with ice skating. Alan raised his eyebrow and didn't say anything"What?" Adeline said. She clearly didn't recognize the sarcasm in his voice. She reached up and tugged at Samuel's sleeves. "You have to skate with us!" She emphasized the word have to the point that no one would be able to tell her no."And why is that, little lady?" Samuel put his hands on his hips, smiled, and looked at her"Because," Adeline put her hands on her hips to mock him. "Ducky says so, and nobody can't say no to Ducky." She crossed her arms.Samuel sighed. "Evidently not." Alan handed him the ice skates, which just happened to be I his size, and Samuel looked at him with a different expression this time. It was an expression of not giving up, more like giving in. For the first time, Alan saw Samuel truly, somewhat happy. He felt good to have helped that much. Nonetheless, Samuel did end up skating that afternoon. He couldn't, by the laws of a six year old, say no to a stuffed duck."Daddy?" Addie said, grabbing Alan's hand to lead him wherever she pleases, in this case towards the massive reflective structure surrounded by people skating in circles."Yes, dear." He looked down at her and smiled."What does 'evidently' mean?""Jesus Christ!" Samuel said, clutching onto the side of the frozen over concrete. He struggled to get a grip on the railing. He hadn't gone ice skating since he was a little boy. The last time he went, he was with his mother in Iowa City on vacation. He was around eight years old but he remembered it like yesterday. Samuel smiled as he remembered the chilly afternoon, just like this one. "You can do it, Samuel! Keep going!" He could hear his mother speaking to him from the heavens. He didn't know if it was her in the past or the present he was hearing, or just an illusion. He turned around to see if she was there, but she wasn't. A wave of sadness rushed over him after he remembered that she wasn't there anymore, the only person who was there was Samantha, who skated past him, spinning to face him, and gave him a thumbs up, and continuing.His mind went back to the wonderful day with his parents. It made him smile to remember the good days, back in the day where a can of Coca Cola was 75 cents and you could ride your bike around town without a worry in the world. Not to mention the awful fashion and strange hair. Samuel missed those days, especially the days he shared with his Mom and Pop. He thought he would have them forever, and he took that for granted. It was hard for him to think about the accident without his mind shooting back to the night at the bridge. He couldn't believe that it had only been a day. He got lost in thought and lost his balance again."Let me help you, Mr. Samuel." Adeline crept up behind him and tried to push him. "Scoot one foot ahead of the other!""Like this?" Samuel tried to go forward but stopped abruptly, slowly sliding forward. His legs parted as the skates somehow took control and he lost his balance again."No, no no!" Adeline pressed her palm to her forehead. "Like this!" She did it perfectly, especially since she's a girl of only six years. She didn't just skate a bit ahead, but she skated all the way around to her sister, who was skating with a group of friends. Samuel wondered how often this family was here. More or less how Adeline had mastered the skill. It took him almost fourteen years of going ice skating with his family to finally figure out how.His family used to go to Iowa City every year on the first Friday of January. He and his mother and father would go out to eat and then spend hours sliding in circles. He smiled thinking about his late parents. He felt like he had just learned how to skate, but now that they had passed away he just assumed that he forgot how. Samuel stumbled again, slipping right into Alan, who caught him by the shoulders. "I'm sorry, Mr. Howland." He tried to steady himself but he couldn't quite get there before slipping down and back onto Alan."Oh no," Alan said, shaking his head. "Call me Alan. Only the girls' teachers call me Mr. Howland.""Sorry.""Don't apologize for everything you do, my dear friend. You've done nothing wrong."Alan realized he was still holding onto Samuel, but his arms had slowly draped down to his lower arm. Ah shit, this is awkward. He thought. "Oh!" Alan moved his hands into the air, stumbling a bit. "I'm sorr-" He slipped right into Samuel. This time, instead of being caught by the shoulders like Samuel was, Alan fell in such a way that his arms ended up around Samuel's neck and Samuel had Alan by the back. "Well," Alan said, his face turning a rose color, probably not because of the cold, "this is a turn of events, heh."Samuel and Alan both awkwardly laughed, neither of them knowing what to do and both of them uncomfortable. Alan looked at Samuel's face and realized how interesting his eyes were. Green, but just enough brown to glow. But the way they would glow, though, the way the sun reflected into his eyes like a great pool of amber. They were mesmerizing. Wicked, he thought."Dad?" Samantha interrupted the ill at ease moment. Alan turned his head and his eyes widened; he let go just as Samuel literally dropped him onto the ice, losing his balance again. In result, both Samuel and Alan were sitting on ice. "Did I interrupt something?"Both Samuel and Alan shook their heads instantly. "Oh, Oyster, no." Samantha said nothing more, just shook her head and skated away. Of course they made it seem like they were teenagers smuggling alcohol. Of course they looked suspicions. Thankfully, she skated off and didn't question further. What would they even say? When they tried to stand, they couldn't. The ground, obviously, was too slick. For a good portion of most of the time Adeline and Samantha were skating, Alan and Samuel were on the ground chatting and laughing up a storm, slipping and sliding more each time they tried to stand, trying to forget the discomfited moment.It was nearly 8:00 that evening by the time the girls were done skating and they had gone out to eat and Samantha took Adeline on a shopping spree. On the way back to their home, Alan looked in his rear-view mirror and saw Samantha with her arm wrapped around Adeline, her clutching her stuffed duck, both fast asleep. "This is one of the biggest joys of becoming a father." Samuel looked behind the seat and nodded when he understood what Alan was saying."What was their mother like?" Samuel asked, prompting Alan to tell a story that he wasn't proud of."Oh, no. I adopted both of them. I felt like I needed to do something for the world after what the world did to me." He was proud to have adopted the girls, but he wasn't proud of the similarity that he had with Samuel."What was it that the world did to you?"Alan sighed. "I was in your shoes.""What do you mean?" Samuel creased his eyebrows and tried to think of what he could have meant. He didn't want Alan to talk about something he didn't want to, but he was too curious to let it pass by."That bridge you were on a couple days ago," Alan cocked his head back as if pointing in that direction with his chin. "I was in the same situation, same bridge.""Oh my god..." Samuel mumbled."Except there was no one on the bridge to talk me down, like I was there for you." Alan said in a very deep, low voice, that for some reason sent a shiver down his spine."What? How did you...""He was at the bottom." Alan said before he could finish his sentence."The man who later adopted me, my father. Heaven sent him down to go camping right under that bridge. On Christmas Eve, oddly enough." Alan's father, Joel Howland, never told anyone why he and his son, Mike, were camping on Christmas Eve next to a river."Wow, Alan, I'm-""Don't be sorry for me," Alan cut him off and shook his head. "I've repaid my debt to the world."Alan smiled and nodded towards his two sleeping daughters in the back of his old, beat up Subaru he's had since he was seventeen. "My father saved me, so I saved two girls from a corrupt foster system. Personally, I think they've improved my life even more than I've improved theirs." Alan thought about his previous family, and the more images that shot through his head, the more he was grateful for the family that he had. So what he was adopted, he had two parents that loved him, a brother, and two girls to call his own. He knew that what he had was good, and he was glad this was his life."One thing is for sure," Samuel said with a glint of affection in his eyes, "you've improved more than their lives too." Though Samuel hadn't fully gotten over the grief that comes from losing his family, it made him feel good to be included with Alan's, even if that meant just staying there for a few days."How do you mean, dear?""You took the time out of your day to say something to me, you're taking so much money out of your wallet for me, why? Aren't I some sort of burden?" Alan swerved to avoid a squirrel that ran across the road. "Never say that again, Samuel.""But I-""No. I don't want to hear it." Alan cut him off the second time today by putting his hand up in the air. Samuel did what Alan said and didn't say a thing. Alan pulled into the driveway, parked, and leaned towards Samuel. "You are family now. Not a burden in any way. I, neither Samantha, or Adeline, will ever assume you as such." He paused. "Even if you do find yourself back on that bridge in ten days." He turned off the car and got out, not saying another word.He woke Samantha and Adeline up and the four of them walked into the dark, quiet house for the night, carrying Adeline up to her bed.